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Has Achieved Nirvana |
And is a bit too partisan but is funny all the same. *A RECAP OF THE LAST THREE WEEKS* Author ~ James Tabeek AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do? CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state. AMERICA: Wait... what? Why? CALIFORNIA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, and it’s working. OHIO: Whoa... whoa... let’s not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax. CALIFORNIA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state. TEXAS: But the president said that we only have 15 cases and soon it'll be zero. CALIFORNIA: The president can’t count to fifteen. Nor even spell it. Shut down your state. NEW JERSEY: Us too? CALIFORNIA: Yes, you guys too. Just like when Christie shut down the bridge, but it’s your whole state. FLORIDA: But what about all these kids here on spring break?? They spend a lot of money here! CALIFORNIA: Those kids invented the tide pod challenge. Shut down your state. LOUISIANA: But wait let’s have Mardi Gras first. It entertains people. CALIFORNIA: It also kills them. Shut it down. GEORGIA: OK well how about we keep the state open for all of our mega-churches? Maybe we can all pray really hard until the coronavirus just goes away! CALIFORNIA: Which is working like a charm for mass shootings. Jesus told us to tell you to shut down your state. OKLAHOMA: What about the tigers? CALIFORNIA: What about a dentist? Shut it down. WYOMING: Hold up, maybe we should go county by county like the president said. CALIFORNIA: Stop acting like there are counties in Wyoming. There are no counties in Wyoming. Wyoming is a county. Shut it down. PENNSYLVANIA: But big coal. CALIFORNIA: But big death. Shut it. WEST VIRGINIA: But we were the last state to get coronavirus! CALIFORNIA: And don’t make us explain to you why that was. Shut it down. NORTH CAROLINA: But the republican national convention is coming here! CALIFORNIA: SHUT... OK, fine do what you want.
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
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Minor Deity |
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
I'm going to steal that but change Ohio to Missouri. Because Mike DeWine doesn't deserve to be on that list. | |||
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
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| Has Achieved Nirvana |
True.
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| Has Achieved Nirvana |
I think he closed schools before CA. That was my first thought when I read it too, Quirt.
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| "I've got morons on my team." Mitt Romney Minor Deity  |
The last line was both predictable, and funny! | |||
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Minor Deity |
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/0...on-charlotte-nc.html Trump says he wants a traditional Republican National Convention to proceed as planned on Aug.24 in North Carolina.
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