Mr. Pique's mother died this past weekend. She was 95, and she had clearly been in the dying process for several weeks. The funeral was planned and our plane tickets bought before she actually expired. We're all set to leave on Friday--we've got horse sitter, dog kennel, and plans with friends and family all set for the five days we'll be in North Carolina.

After we get back we have some very serious and important medical appointments arranged, some took months to get on the schedules. Mr. Pique is getting scanned to see if his cancer is getting worse. I am being assessed for removal of my cataracts. We get home on the following Wednesday, and appointments are the following Monday.

I just got off the phone with one of the medical providers. I had mentioned that we would be traveling across the country to attend a funeral and see family. She said in alarm: "You won't have just gotten off a plane when you come to see us, will you?"

What ensued was a long and detailed discussion about what has been happening with their other patients who have recently traveled: they invariably call to cancel their appointments because they caught Covid on their trip.

The points she made:
With new omnicron variants, the vaccines do not prevent it, and the second booster is only providing protection in general for about two weeks (we got ours at least two months ago).

Air on airplanes are well filtered, the danger is spending hours in airports (we have two long layovers)

Funerals where you are going to be in close contact with people and many have flown in from parts of the country where Covid is surging is a real problem

Family gatherings--same

Staying in houses and driving long distances in cars in close proximity to family members who don't take the same precautions you do and, again, are also traveling from other areas.

I am now trying to envision how we stay masked with N95s and six feet away from others in all these situations.

We have friends with long covid. Some of them were vaxxed 4x. Neither of us want to be in that boat. We haven't gotten Covid and we don't want to take the risk of getting long Covid.

We also don't want to be in social situations for five days where we have to treat friends and family like they are Typhoid Mary because they don't take the kind of precautions that we have. (Yes some of the watch Fox News.) We have been super careful since March 2020. We've been lucky and privileged to live on 5 acres out of town, and Mr. Pique has been allowed to work from home, and now that he is back in the office he has a private office with a door that is kept closed.

As numbers are increasing, we talk about him telling his boss that he either works remotely now or retires.

I know many, many of you have been traveling, both for pleasure and for family needs. And many of you also closely follow what is happening with Covid. (I have followed it less since I'm no longer contact tracing.)

How do we navigate this? I am thinking of telling Mr. Pique that if he isn't going to mask and keep distance on this trip that I won't go and he can go into isolation for ten days when he gets back. Am I suffering from an overabundance of caution under the present circumstances?

What would you do in this situation? What have you done to protect yourself in a similar situation?

P.S. our tickets are fully refundable.

My friend the eye researcher (PhD, not MD) has been grappling with these same questions; she doesn't have any answers, either. edit: And like you, she has several friends suffering with long COVID.

She has two events, a graduation dinner for medical students at the end of June and a professional conference in Liverpool in early August. For months she's been going back about whether to go to one, both, or neither, and when to get a booster. At this point, she's going to both and got boosted last week.

A few of her observations about her own situation:

quote:

On my trip to Liverpool, my friends opted to take a route with a long (9 hr) layover, and I told them that was too long to be in an airport without eating. They said I could bring my own food and I told them that that was not the issue - it was being unmasked in an airport terminal. They acted like I was from Mars. So I got a much shorter trip on Aer Lingus and will be travelling alone.

Most of our info on long COVID comes from prior variants of the virus, which tended to produce much more severe sxs. (Omicron has only been in the US for 6ish months, so there is little long-term data.) But I don't know if that makes a difference.

Sorry that there are no definitive answers here, but I thought you might find it helpful to know you may be in the minority in worrying about these issues, but you are not alone. And you're in good company.

I have a friend who is an infectious disease specialist (MD) at Harvard Medical School and Mass General Hospital.

She started an email for friends called "Gone Viral". She updates us on latest from her CDC calls, research and how many people are in Mass General with COVID.

We also check the link for the eastern Mass water authority who has been doing sewer testing that helps to anticipate spikes.

While careful,cautious and measured she takes her own advice..gets all her vaccines, including two boosters, wears a mask on the plane.

I have to say she has taken trips much earlier than I would have thought. She had taken trips to Utah to see her daughter and family at least once, last year. She went to a conference in Europe and we are all planning to hike the Rocky Mountains in July/August.

I, myself, have attended two weddings (one in Sept , one in May) with shockingly little social distancing or masking..it was like a time warp. We went to rehearsal dinners and receptions, all indoors with well over 100 people. I did limit my mingling, and stayed pretty much at our table.

I would add, that in addition, I have been spending lots of time with my Mom since Feb..that means ER's, rehab, her senior living community with 1100 apartments. I mask in the public areas as required but the seniors themselves throw caution to the wind! One week I was there, 30% of the apartments on Mom's floor were in isolation, but so far no reports of severe illness, just cold/flu like symptoms.

We at work are now mask optional, and I really only use it in close quarters, in vehicles with others or conference room meetings.

I have been vax'ed to the max, have asthma...been working all through the worst of it..and yet, I am thus far COVID free (knock wood!)

But I don't have the fear of it as I did. I do what I can to be careful but most folks I know who have contracted it recently had very mild cases.

Very sorry to hear this.
I have a friend who lost one of his parent (not due to COVID-19) in the middle of the pandemic when lots of travel restrictions (like mandatory quarantines) were strictly enforced, and as a result it was logistically impossible for him to make it in time to see his late parent even if he had chosen to travel. It is sad to lose a parent, sadder still to be unable to properly send a orient off. I do not what I would have done if I had to choose. I have no advice to offer, only sympathy and hope that whatever you decide it will be the right decision for you.

First of all, please accept my condolences for the loss of Mrs. Mr. Pique.

Your specific question was ‘what would we do’. I would go* and then take rapid tests prior to the medical visits to make them comfortable.

*go for me means wearing an N95 on the plane that I never take off. So no food or drink on the flight. I might take it off to eat or drink in an airport but would find an empty gate area for that.


However you seem uncomfortable so maybe don’t go?

I am comfortable with the risks I take because:

1) omicron is very different from alpha and delta
2) I have antibodies and probably would mount a t-cell response
3) I could get Paxlovid within hours of a positive test
4) Covid is likely endemic so we all need to find our own modus vivendi with the virus


But again that’s me.

I will say Mr Pique will likely regret missing it so I would take that into consideration, even if he ends up going by himself.

Also it’s worth checking out the numbers in NC. We in NY are past our peak of the latest variant. I imagine MT hasn’t peaked yet.

I've found this site quite useful. It's set for NC now, but you can see any state and/or county.

https://usafacts.org/visualiza...state/north-carolina

Pleae give my condolences to Mr. Pique. Regardless of the details, it's never easy to lose a parent.

Re covid... Along with WTG, Mr. SK and I might be among the most cautious here at WTF. And if I were in your boat, I would not have a clue as to how to proceed. So you have my sympathy!

quote:

After we get back we have some very serious and important medical appointments arranged, some took months to get on the schedules.

I have the impression that most people getting covid (esp. if they're vaxxed) experience a cold or flu like thing and then it resolves. So like BL, I have less fear than I once did. But it's still a risk, an unknown, and a hassle. And of course for you, you have these medical visits.

So I guess these are the questions I have....

Did either your doc or Mr. Piqué's doc said how flexible they could be with rescheduling?

What's the time lag between returning home and having the various medical visits?

How would Mr. Piqué feel if you didn't join him for this trip? How would you feel?

How would either of you feel if one or both of you got covid?

How would he feel about missing his mother's funeral?

There are no right answers, but I think you have to have the discussion before making any decisions.

****. I had missed the detail that the funeral was in NC.

I think it will be very stressful being in this part of the country while trying to take covid precautions.

If you both do decide to go, you will need to agree beforehand on how you will behave, what you will do, which events you will attend and which you'll skip. And you might want to plan in advance to skip almost everything, all gatherings but the funeral itself.

I am sorry, I don't think I'm being helpful. Although maybe the Carolinas are about the same at MT in terms of covid ignorance? I have no idea really.

quote:

Covid is likely endemic so we all need to find our own modus vivendi with the virus

Separate from your question, Pique, Jon's point here hits home for me.

Mr. SK and I haven't figured out our modus vivendi is yet. But with a family wedding coming up, academic conferences moving back to in-person and other work related events requiring travel, to say nothing of the fact that we have family we want to see, we know we have to figure out how to be in a covid-endemic world....

Like has been said before, our condolences.

Tough choices. Probably a lot will depend on if your doctors will see you after travelling??

I've tested a bunch - both with family members coming into town to visit and singing in a couple of concerts over the weekend. Everyone agreed to test an hour before each of the last rehearsal and 2 concerts because we would be singing unmasked for the first time all season.

I know testing doesn't catch early infection, so that probably doesn't offer much help...

We are talking about it.

I told Mr. Pique I wouldn't go with him unless he agreed we would mask and keep distance.

He said he didn't think it would be possible. The church will be packed so no distancing possible there. 20 guests are coming to his mother's house so no distancing there. Cumulative time driving in cars with other people is probably around at least 20 hours. It is forecast to be 100 degrees in NC so people will not be leaving windows and doors open and they will not be socializing outside.

I wouldn't have planned to go at all if I didn't appreciate how very important this event is to my husband, and how very much I wish to be there for him.

So when he said he didn't think it would be possible, I said, "so you are willing to risk your health to go?"

One friend who has long covid, Mr. Pique's age, is a wreck, he hardly has enough air to walk. Another friend is on oxygen. She drove to a family reunion in CA after getting vaxxed 4x and took precautions, was deathly ill the entire long drive home, and has long covid. the oxygen machine is now a permanent fixture in her home, most likely.

Mr. Pique hopes to retire this year and climb the tallest peaks in N. America. That's his dream. He's remarkably fit for a 74 year old. He has run a marathon in recent years and trains running mountain trails. I asked him was he willing to risk all of this? He said no.

I was puzzled. He said he was thinking he just wouldn't go because there was no way, in his opinion, to protect himself under the circumstances. I was astonished.

I told him to maybe sleep on it. I didn't think this would be an option he would ever consider.

They are live streaming the service. Mr. Pique junior will be watching it from San Francisco.

We'll see what he decides. He's not opposed to following the precautions I requested, he just doesn't think it will work.

quote:

Originally posted by rontuner:
Like has been said before, our condolences.

Tough choices. Probably a lot will depend on if your doctors will see you after travelling??

I've tested a bunch - both with family members coming into town to visit and singing in a couple of concerts over the weekend. Everyone agreed to test an hour before each of the last rehearsal and 2 concerts because we would be singing unmasked for the first time all season.

I know testing doesn't catch early infection, so that probably doesn't offer much help...

Negative home tests are totally meaningless. I'm convinced this is one of the reasons infections are surging, because people have been given false assurances by stupid home tests.

quote:

Originally posted by Mikhailoh:
I've found this site quite useful. It's set for NC now, but you can see any state and/or county.

https://usafacts.org/visualiza...state/north-carolina

Thank you, very useful.

quote:

Originally posted by jon-nyc:
Also it’s worth checking out the numbers in NC. We in NY are past our peak of the latest variant. I imagine MT hasn’t peaked yet.

MT and NC are pretty much on par. No it has not peaked yet here.