quote:

Originally posted by Steve Miller

That kid gave me the best advice of my life. Don't overly concern yourself with what others think, don't let others dictate the terms of your happiness. Don't let others stress you or pressure you in to doing something you don't want to do.

"Ride your own bike."

and

quote:

Originally posted by Matt G:
Sometimes the past may color our present, but there's frequently no need to revisit it.

We all change over time. I'm a very loyal friend and will do anything for people close to me, but I'm also someone who can quietly walk away from friendships when they no longer match the person I am today.

If it would make you happy to go, then go.

If you want to make a sacrifice for your friends because the trip would fall apart without you, then go.

If it would stress you and you think you don't need that this year, then don't go.

All good decisions. Just ride your own bike.

You don't ditch 40 year friends because of their political views. We're not in a civil war, yet, but that kind of behavior just moves us closer.

"That makes you just as bad as them."

Why make him out to be a bad guy? It's not about good or bad. It's about where your heart is. And we each have the right to make that decision for ourselves.

Let him ride his own bike.

edit: And just because he doesn't go this year doesn't mean he's writing off the friends. Sometimes you just need some space.

As an aside....I guess I don't get the longevity thing. Just because something becomes a habit doesn't mean it needs to continue.

JMHO.

quote:

Just because something becomes a habit doesn't mean it needs to continue.

This!

And btw Mik, re this:

quote:

You don't ditch 40 year friends because of their political views.

I think it depends on the person's views. Have you not seen the quote from James Baldwin?

"We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.”

If someone is racist or homophobic etc... then it's pretty hard for me to "agree to disagree."

He didn't describe it as a habit, but as a long term friendship. And he did not describe them as racist or homophobic, just Trump supporters.

I believe the trip is being referred to here as a habit, or replace that with tradition if you prefer.

quote:

As it happens, everyone of them is a Trumper. I don’t understand how this could possibly be. They’re educated, successful, reasonably well read. Maybe I am the odd man out but I find myself not wanting to deal with that this year. The problem is that if I back out the whole thing will fall apart and a lot of people I care about really like this trip. If I were the bigger man I would just keep my mouth shut and just let it all happen but I don’t know that I can do that. I can see myself losing it, throwing down the keys to the van and flying home.

Talk me off the ledge?

Because you feel as noted in bold, it seems to me the only way you can go is if you have an advance discussion with your friends. Tell them how you feel. Ask them if they are willing to commit to a politics-free reunion. Tell them you just can't deal with the alternative.

See what response you get. That should tell you a lot. About them, about who you are to them--and who they are to you.

Unless a politics-free reunion would *still* bother you. If so, then just don't go.

You said: “The problem is that if I back out the whole thing will fall apart and a lot of people I care about really like this trip.”

Then you’ll have to invent a good pretext to back out of it or else you’re sucked into it for the duration. It probably depends on much you think you’ll dislike it. If it’s only mildly so, then you could just go and tolerate it. If you think you’ll hate it, then maybe not.

Didn’t you once say that you were planning to move to Cleveland or the Midwest somewhere? If so, then you might not be seeing much of them anymore any way because of the long distance, them being in suburban Los Angeles and you in the Midwest.

I’ll be visiting Los Angeles next May. I have some relatives there that I’ll see but I don’t have any long term friendships with people from my elementary and high schools that I attended in L.A. I’m not going to look up old friends there because too much time has gone by without any contact. With the way people move around these days, it seems rare to have friendships that last 40 years.

quote:

Originally posted by Mikhailoh:

And he did not describe them as racist or homophobic, just Trump supporters.

quote:

You don't ditch 40 year friends because of their political views.

It's not about "politics", which relates to policies. There one can usually agree to disagree.

And it's not about hating Trump.

It's about the abandonment of ethics and morality by the leader of the free world. It's about finding bag men like Cohn, Cohen, and Giuliani to do his dirty work for him. It's about refusing to take responsibility for his decisions that go south. He puts out a proposal and immediately retracts it when it meets resistance. He has no spine, just bravado.

The personal insults, the childish behavior, the actions that seem to be guided by only one principle: Trump First. The rest of you be damned.

Being a Trump supporter is approximately equivalent to being a Mafia supporter as far as I'm concerned. The techniques employed by him are pretty much the same.

It's hard to understand how Trump supporters can defend that. I can marginally accept that they don't give a damn because he's giving them something he wants. I totally don't get the whitewashing. Nobody can be that oblivious.

I think Steve is feeling the same disconnect that many of us are. We just don't recognize people we thought we knew.

They don't see themselves as supporting a mob boss. They support a savior, a great American. They aren't bad people. They have bad information. They've projected an ideal onto a sack of sh!t.

I'm not thinking the Trump supporters I'm friends with are amoral. I know they are not. I think they've been duped. What surprises me is I didn't realize they were that stupid.

Exactly. You expressed it much better than I did.

The mob boss comparison was to draw parallels to his behaviors, rather than to describe what his supporters think of him.

So the position is that only stupid people support Trump?

There. Right there. That’s exactly the sort of challenge I don’t want to deal with.

Back up...they are you friends...Friends agree to disagree but still love each other.

Keep politics out of it..

Presuming they know you are not a Trump fan, and you obviously know that they are,there is another alternative to avoiding the topic entirely. Works with the one local friend I have here who is a Trumper. Total, over the top joking about it. I might express concern about whether their knuckles hurt from dragging on the pavement I am prepared to be asked why I had I have not changed my name to libtard McSnowflake.

We obviously don’t get too deep into the details of the issues…