I have friends I’ve known since grade school. We’ve been getting together every year for some 40 years. Our next get together is scheduled for 12/7. Gilbert, AZ. There is a party boat involved.

As it happens, everyone of them is a Trumper. I don’t understand how this could possibly be. They’re educated, successful, reasonably well read. Maybe I am the odd man out but I find myself not wanting to deal with that this year. The problem is that if I back out the whole thing will fall apart and a lot of people I care about really like this trip. If I were the bigger man I would just keep my mouth shut and just let it all happen but I don’t know that I can do that. I can see myself losing it, throwing down the keys to the van and flying home.

Talk me off the ledge?

We’ve passed the age where we’ll ever acquire any more old friends. Just get good at changing the subject, or take it as an opportunity to engage.

What can be accomplished by trying to change their minds? Nothing good. Don't lose 40 year friends over a four year term in office.

Besides, they didn't throw you overboard when Obama was in office, did they? I'm going to guess you were the odd man out then too. What makes that different than today?

Totally agree with Mik and Jon, I have a good friend from Washington state that is the complete opposite of me politically. But we have a lot in common otherwise, we boarded our horses at the same place, and worked out at the same gym, and I have enjoyed our friendship because of those things, so we either don’t discuss the things we disagree about, or we do, but respectfully.

Steve, do you expect the Trumper to assert his Trump-ishness during the trip?

I'm just thinking that you shouldn't have to be the only adult in the room here, the other person (is there more than one?) should also be expected to behave.

Would it help you to have some pre-set way to react should the topic come up?

Tell them you will leave if they bring that carp up.
My brother is a Trumper.
He does not bring it up anymore.

That makes you at least as bad as them.

Admittedly, none of the people I'll mention are close IRL, but occasionally I'll meet people who seem nice and just plain "good folk" who turn out to be Trump supporters.

Treading lightly, I've sometimes brought up their affiliations, asking where they're coming from. I've gotten insights into how this otherwise mysterious group thinks and believes (not at all identical with one another). When I find I super strongly disagree (e.g., "Trump is the greatest president we've ever had and a deeply compassionate man" - verbatim quote), I always indicate I see him quite differently, but take care to separate my opinions about Trump with the kind of people I perceive them to be.

(And then, I firmly refuse further discussion unless they ask me about what I DO believe and why. Rare.)

I think a few have been influenced away from their intransigence if only because I seemed to be sane, respectful and reasonable overall apart from any specific beliefs. (I swear one man looked completely stunned when I responded "but I am!" to his jocular comment - "At least, you're not a Liberal.")

How else can we learn anything about the "other side" if we don't talk to them? And for the record, it's amazing how often - almost always - we can find considerable matters we do agree about! That helps too.

PS Steve, I'm not suggesting this with your long-time friends. Clearly, they already know you well, and you risk ruining a deeply valuable occasion by going on the attack. (Ideally, it would be possible to elicit from the get-go a mutual agreement to avoid all discussion of politics, acknowledging that differences exist and highlighting how valuable their friendship and the occasion are to you.)

Could you all just agree to leave money, politics and religion out of the convesation? You know, like in the olden days?

Not really trying to make fun of the situation. However, I do think if the conversation starts to veer into politics, you could perhaps suggest that everyone is there to have fun, and agree to avoid the topic.

I agree with Nina.

But! You shouldn’t look at this as an opportunity to “turn” anyone, and neither should they see this as an opportunity to “turn” you. It might be really interesting to see if they can explain why they feel the way they do. And maybe you could explain where you’re coming from, too.

Wonder if the other guys might have parallel conversations in their online bulletin boards of choice mirroring this discussion about how they're going to manage putting up with Steve the California Never Thumper.

i have some dear friends i love who are ardent trump supporters. they are good people! why they have proved to be morons on this topic, i have no idea. i chalk it up to them being gullible.

one of them lives a couple of hours away and i found out about her politics--and she about mine--at a safe distance, on fb. by the time i next saw her a few months had passed, we'd had several exchanges about trump--wherein i tried honestly to understand why she was going to vote for him, and to tell the truth i felt quite a bit of trepidation about our in-person visit.

before the visit i messaged her: "i just want you to know, i do not want to lose any people who mean a lot to me over politics. i hope you feel the same way."

she said she did. when i got out of the car at her place, there was a huge hug from her. the subject of trump never came up in person.

we still debate online, however.

I am having a really hard time knowing that some relatives are Trump fans.

I want to scream!
Even Sisters are standard republicans. They don't keep up, being much older. I just don't bring it up. I love them too much.

Happily most old friends feel as I do.

I would not go.

And this is what the T is doing...splitting our country.

Such an ....

https://www.washingtonpost.com...urvive-thanksgiving/

“ Have different politics from your family? Here’s how to survive Thanksgiving.”

piqué, I love that you and your friend still "talk" about the touchy topics, but just keep those conversations online rather than in person. I think that's a perfect compromise!

I wish I could do that with my Trump-leaning brother. Instead, we just never broach the subject at all.