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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity  |
Mr. SK and I don’t drink alcohol, ever, not even a little, we never have. People who know us and with whom we’ve socialized generally know this, but when we bought our current house, our real estate agent gifted us some Prosecco (iirc) and at our housewarming, a colleague brought a bottle of wine. We are now getting ready to move (more on that in a future post) and trying to get rid of things we don’t need, and we have these two bottles of wine, which raised two questions: 1. These two bottles were received in mid-2019 and Jan. 2020. They have been stored in a cool dark place. Are they still drinkable, and if so, can we just give them to someone else? 2. What should we do in the future if someone gives us a gift of alcohol? I think we should say right away “thanks you so much, but we don’t drink, so please keep it.” But Mr. SK thinks we should just say thank you and then try to give it to someone else right away, rather than waiting four years. This totally sounds like a Miss Manners column!  But TIA for any advice! 
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| Unrepentant Dork Gadfly  |
Say thank you and regift it. I’ll leave the other question about whether the other wine you have can be regifted now to others who know more about wine.
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
I'm with dol and Mr SK about future gifts. Year ago someone gave us a bottle of wine that I'm guessing was in their basement for too long. When we opened it (it was a white wine) it was approximately the color of cognac. Out it went.
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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity |
Thanks for the responses, Dol and WTG! I can do the regifting for future wines if that’s the most polite option. What about at a housewarming or dinner party, when people bring wine, do they expect it to be opened and shared there? Because that would be awkward and out us as non-drinkers (which I only care about bc I wouldn’t want the gift giver to be uncomfortable)
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| Has Achieved Nirvana |
People differ on this. Personally, I don't expect a bottle I bring to be opened unless the hosts asked me to bring the wine. There's no reason to feel like you're being "outed" because you don't drink. I'm basically a non-drinker these days and I feel no embarrassment in politely declining alcohol if it's offered. I do avoid saying "I don't drink" and instead suggest some other beverage I know or suspect they have available.
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| Does This Avatar Make My Butt Look Big? Minor Deity  |
Yes, regift promptly. When you get it, put a post- it on it saying who gave it to you so you don’t accidentally regift it to the same person. You can also Google to find retail value. Then you can make sure you don’t give a cheap bottle to the type of person who understands quality. When you give it at a party, they are not supposed to serve it. But if they do, you can let them give you some. Just say, “Just a little,” a stop them before they pour an lot, and then don’t drink it. And one of you can beg off by saying you’re driving. | |||
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| Does This Avatar Make My Butt Look Big? Minor Deity |
Regarding the old bottles, I would look up the price. If they are cheap, I would pour them out. If they are expensive, I would keep them. Champagne can last 3 to seven years. But you’re always taking a risk that it will have turned. Doesn’t seem worth it for a bottle of “Two Buck Chuck.” | |||
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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity |
Thanks for all the comments everyone! So, this is interesting because I just realized an inconsistency in myself. I said I didn’t want to “out” us as non-drinkers if someone gave us wine… and certainly I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or uncomfortable. But I don’t think I’m comfortable with or willing to accept someone pouring me a glass of wine and pretending but then not drink it. Why not just say “oh I’m sorry we don’t drink”? If I’m at someone else’s house and offered wine or other alcohol, that’s what I always do.
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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity |
Thanks. We have a friend coming over today, I’ll ask her if she wants the bottles, explaining how and when we got them, then if she’s not interested, I’ll check online.
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Minor Deity |
+1, that's the path of least friction. As for your 2019 and 2020 Prosecco ... the typical Prosecco's shelf life is closer to 2 years, may be pushing 3 years in near ideal storage condition. So the 2019's taste will likely have deteriorated, the 2020 may still be OK, so maybe chuck the 2019 and regift the 2020 quickly!
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Minor Deity |
Have I mentioned that I detest regifting? There's nothing wrong with passing those bottles on to a friend who would enjoy them, but not in a situation where a gift might be expected or gracious. I just think regifting is a very graceless trend. "Someone gave me this but I don't want it so I'll give it to you instead of choosing an appropriate gift myself".
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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity |
Actually Mik, I totally agree! It’s fine to give something to someone while acknowledging that you received and are happy to pass it along if they might like it. But I wouldn’t want to pass something off as something I bought if it was something I received from someone else. In Japanese there’s an established way to say “this is something I received and I’m sharing it with you”, so that’s what I would prefer.
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| Minor Deity |
Wholly agree.
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| Has Achieved Nirvana |
Recycling, FTW! I have no trouble with regifting. If it's a good item, I can't/won't use it, and it will be appreciated by the recipient, I don't see how it is inferior to/different from my buying the same item. I wonder if regifting got a bad name because people sometimes give away truly awful stuff that probably no one wants. Fruit cake comes to mind. (Incidentally, I'm a fan of fruit cake, so if you ever need to regift fruit cake, send it my way!)
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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity |
This could be part of it. But I think another relevant factor is that often, giving a gift results in the receiver feeling some degree of obligation to the giver. Whether it’s to some day give a return gift or whatever. If the giver didn’t actually buy (or make) the gift, the receiver now feels obligation based on false pretenses. That’s why I like the Japanese approach. In acknowledging upfront that the item was something received, it removes the obligation for any kind of return gift. So again, to me, the problem isn’t giving away something initially received as a gift, it’s making that a secret and trying to pass off the item as “I bought this for you”.
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well-temperedforum.groupee.net The Well-Tempered Forum Off Key What to do when teetotalers receive wine as a gift?