quote:

I would say nothing about the shoes.

piqué, I'm surprised you say that given the fact that you can't be without shoes. With my current flare-up of plantar fasciitis, I would be very uncomfortable on a hardwood floor with no shoes. The Japanese woman I work with goes completely barefoot in her home (which is mostly hardwood floors). I take my indoor shoes with me when we visit her, Mr. SK does not and just goes shoeless. The key thing is knowing and being able to prepare.

I already sent out the invitations (whew! the internet says I'm already breaking etiquette because it's not 8 weeks in advance!)

At the bottom, I wrote "Please note that we follow the Japanese tradition of taking off our shoes in the home. We have some slippers for guests, but please feel free to bring your own indoor shoes if you prefer." If any guest really is uncomfortable with that, this info will be doubly important for them.

I agree with you re people before things, but this is an easy thing to adhere to (given advance information), and it's really important to Mr. SK, probably more than most of us can understand. Of course it's such a strong cultural preference, but I think it's symbolic in some ways for Mr. SK because he's here in the states and most of the time he's accommodating American (foreign-to-him) customs. So it's not only about cleanliness...

Would any of you allow someone to smoke cigarettes in your homes? I would not. And some how that feels like the closest thing I can think of to compare the shoe thing to. ... Though still not the same.

Re the kid thing, I didn't mention it in the invites. In looking at the guest list, there are only a few who have children in the likely-to-break-things age range, and if they bring them, it will be fine. I would rather have them come than be unable to come because they couldn't bring their children.

I will make some kind of small sign for the piano, have it on the half stick but also take Jodi's advice and close the fallboard.... I agree, closing the lid actually seems like an invitation for treating it like a table!

Generic etiquette question: Can your socks work if you don't own a pair of indoor shoes/slippers? or are socks rude? how about bare feet?

Curiously
Nina

Socks or bare feet are fine too. It’s just that part of asking guests to remove shoes is that it’s the host’s responsibility to offer slippers.

I suppose I could have included something about that in the info but it just gets longer and longer!

Because of my need for shoes I bring them. It's my responsibility to be prepared for my own comfort. I think what you wrote is fine, considering your husband is Japanese, you aren't excluding children or alcohol, or making other requirements that, taken together, might make guests feel like if they come to your house they are walking on eggshells. My comment was in the interest of making people feel welcome to be themselves. A person who must wear shoes will automatically bring an indoor pair. That's my perspective as someone who must wear shoes. But your note about it is perfectly fine and stated graciously. Kudos! I hope it's a wonderful party.

I would never let anyone smoke in my house either but that is because the smell is just about impossible to remove. Not to mention the affect on me and other guests. The worst that will happen with shoes is you have to wash the floor or clean the rug. Smoking affects the health of everyone present and imbeds just about permanently in every surface in the house. I dont even want smokers in my house without their cigarettes as I can't tolerate the smoke smell on their clothes. They dont get invited.

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A person who must wear shoes will automatically bring an indoor pair.

Well, only if they suspect they may be asked to remove their shoes. Remember, no snow down here, yesterday it was up above 60 degrees F and sunny, so many people might be surprised at being asked to remove shoes, hence my advance warning.

Re the cigarette/indoor shoe thing, it's not a good comparison other than the fact that for you (and many people these days) no cigarettes is a hard-fast rule.

The only similarity is that for Mr. SK, no outdoor-shoes inside is an equally hard-fast rule. But if you think that "the worst that will happen with shoes is you have to wash the floor or clean the rug" then you don't understand his take on it. And I'm obviously not able to articulate it any better.

How about the cheap blue overshoe things that are often provided at open houses?

I grew up in a "shoes off" house, so I always kick them off and just go around in socks...

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How about the cheap blue overshoe things that are often provided at open houses?

Ok it's hilarious that I forgot about this option! We have shoe covers by the door and always offer them to workers who come to the house (although often they have their own).

Very curious now as to what no shoes/shoes means to Mr SK!

It’s totally a cultural thing, it’s pretty much the way it is at my moms house, (her husband is Japanese) though I don’t think they insist that guests take their shoes off. I’ve always wondered how much of it has to do with how much time is spent on the floor when you grew up in Japan, as in sleeping on futons that get rolled away during the day, and eating sitting at low tables on cushions. (I am incapable of doing this comfortably). Or how small many of the houses are, and the types of floor coverings that are used? We did used to insist that our kids (when they were growing up) take their shoes off when they came in our house, And I take mine off when I’ve been in the snow, barn or rain. But I wear my dry outdoor shoes around the house.

And those blue booties are a great idea, I’ve looked at enough real estate in my life that I’ve worn a lot of those!

quote:

Originally posted by piqué:
Very curious now as to what no shoes/shoes means to Mr SK!

Yeah and I'm obviously not able to articulate in a meaningful way. I think it's a combination of the "Japanese sensibility" with regard to cleanliness, which includes some of the things that Jodi mentioned, like the fact that futons are laid out on the floor, you sit on the floor to eat at low tables etc. In that regard (despite what I wrote above) it does have a lot to do with cleanliness.

But then that combines with the fact that Mr. SK is now living in the US not because he enthusiastically wanted to come here, but basically because he came here with me. Which is not to say that he's here against his will, but it is different from someone who loves America and is here because they made a choice and they really wanted to live here. Mr. SK did not choose to live in the US. He choose to come here with me. So that naturally involves a lot of compromises. In most regards, he's pretty flexible, so it's not a problem. And I think there are aspects of our life here that he has come to really enjoy, so I don't want to give the impression that he's unhappy or doesn't like living here. But again, he's made lots of compromises, so when there's something he clearly does not want to compromise on, I respect that.

I’m finding this whole thread so fascinating because of the shoe thing. I know you mentioned about the snow, but we take off our shoes year round. And it’s pretty much universal. Some people will say “leave your shoes on” when you come into their house, but I would only do so if there are no shoes in the entry way AND the host left theirs on. Even so, I often have them off before the host says anything. It’s just how things are done.

I held my 20+ open house/cookie swap yesterday. (I think it is year 24 but no one can remember! )

I hold it midday so no pressure for a meal, hours are 2pm till ? Sometimes it ran 4 hours, sometimes 8.

Folks are invited to bring a finger food dish if they like, and cookies to swap, again optional. Some bring wine (I ALWAYS have more wine than I can use so I bring it to other parties!)

As for shoes, while I am a no shoe home for myself, I do not require it of my guests...Especially now as I am working through a med issue and am NOT allowed to go barefoot myself..

I find 4 hours is optimal...most folks show up one hour past your beginning invite start..

And I have a child friendly activity for those who bring kids...In years past we had a full on ornament making workshop run by older kids, this year was a pile of puzzles and books for a 2 year old.

I have a question about no alcohol.

Can I ask why that rule? I know people who won’t serve alcohol for religious reasons, but I’m always surprised when I go to an adult party but I can’t sip a glass of wine.

The no shoes thing is tough for me because I’m always surprised by it. I like that you gave a warning.

quote:

I have a question about no alcohol.

Can I ask why that rule? I know people who won’t serve alcohol for religious reasons, but I’m always surprised when I go to an adult party but I can’t sip a glass of wine.

Do you expect a glass of wine even at an event that starts at 1:30 in the afternoon?

Also, note, I didn't say no alcohol is allowed in our house. If people bring alcohol, I'll give them a glass. But we don't drink and would have no idea what to buy etc.

Do you also expect vegetarians to offer meat?