Oh, wow. I am getting so tired of people telling me I am limping.

An example. I was playing a competitive match with a very young, very nice, very athletic woman I had just met. After about five minutes, she said, "My goodness, you're limping, are you OK?" I said with a smile, "I'm always limping." After a few more minutes, she said, "You really are limping." To this I replied, "Yes, I know, and I'm getting a hip replacement next month." After that, she did not inquire further.

Come on. What do people expect you to say in response to "You're limping"? I have considered going with: "No, I'm not." Or "What? OMG, I had no idea!" I had neighbors shout at me from up the block, "Oh, wow, you're really limping!"

People who limp know they limp. They are doing it for a reason. Could we maybe put a sock in it, realize it is none of our business, recognizes that we're asking them to share personal medical information in a public setting with someone they don't know well?

It's only a small percentage of the population who does this. My tennis partners don't seem to care or notice or remark on it because I am playing *very well.* So why are some people so shocked if someone has a limp?

Recently I was thinking of the many people who do not know what rude is.
No one taught them simple manners.
It is one thing I miss about my hometown. Rudeness is not common there or maybe I have been gone too long and things have changed.

They’re concerned about your well-being. How irritating.

I don’t think I’d say anything to someone I didn’t know. If it was someone I knew who hadn’t been limping before, I’d probably ask if they were ok.

quote:

They’re concerned about your well-being. How irritating.

I don't think this is fair.

People make comments to pregnant women about all kinds of aspects of their pregnancy, appearance, well-being etc.

Yes, any individual comment is most surely based on caring and concern from the commenter to the recipient.

But that does not decrease the cumulative impact on the recipient. And most people these days with an iota of awareness agree that it would be best of people would keep their mouths shut about the various aspects of pregnancy, appearance, well-being etc. that they might be inclined to comment on.

What Cindy is talking about is the same thing.

I'm sure she recognizes that any individual commenter is most likely motivated by concern.

That does not erase the cumulative impact.

Pregnancy is different. You might assume someone is pregnant when they are not, or even the reverse. That mistake could be hurtful and embarrassing.

If one of my friends is injured, or appears injured, I’m going to express concern and hope that they are ok. And, if it were to happen to me, the cumulative impact of explaining, yet again, what had happened is not as irritating as thinking someone doesn’t care.

Same with cancer. If someone has lost all their hair and they are a friend, I’m going to express concern for their well-being, cumulative impact be damned.

I think the difference is whether you are a friend or a random stranger. If I’d gone bald because of chemo, I would not want a random stranger on the street asking me. But I would understand and be grateful if friends expressed concern, even if I had to explain it for the 100th time.

Everything other people do is none of our business. Yet friends discuss their lives with each other, and there’s nothing wrong with people initiating a conversation. Likewise, there’s nothing wrong with saying “I’d rather not talk about it,” and then everyone should move on to other topics.

If I was playing tennis with a friend who was limping, I might be concerned that they might be injuring themselves further by playing. Maybe they were trying to cater to me, and I wouldn’t want that. Maybe I’d suggest stopping. If it was someone I didn’t know, I’d assume they could take care of themselves.

The context matters.

I disagree that it OK to say anything to anyone if "concern" is the motivation.

If someone in an athletic endeavor is favoring a leg, hip, shoulder, ankle, whatever . . . they know that. They have decided (possibly with the benefit of medical advice that you know nothing about) that they are going to engage in that endeavor, so it is not up to others to suggest they know better.

I think there are exceptions -- someone falls and hits their head, or shows signs of a stroke, or shows signs of heatstroke. But there, you are witnessing the injury, and in the examples I gave, the injury itself prevents the person from assessing their own condition.

Coming up to someone and telling them they are limping is different. Things like limping can go on for decades, and for all you know they were born with it.

And if you decided to stop our tennis match because I was limping . . . well, I'd be pretty angry with you.

OK first, are you really getting a hip replacement or was that just part of the comment to get them to shut up?

Second, I disagree that persistent questioning about someone's physical *anything* comes from concern. In my experience, it's plain old nosiness, or to put it more nicely, curiosity.

For me, this is an example I deal with often:

1. someone: Wow, your ankle looks swollen
2. me: Yes, it happens sometimes, it's not an issue
3. someone: But doesn't it hurt?
4. me: no
5. someone: have you told a doctor
6. me (inwardly): seriously, like that never occurred to me?
7. me (outwardly): yes
8. someone: what did the doctor say?
9. me (inwardly): none of your d*mn business
10. me (outwardly): it's fine, can we drop it?

Whereas the proper conversation, in my book, should have been:
1. someone: Wow, your ankle looks swollen
2. me: Yes, it happens sometimes, it's not an issue
3. someone: OK, where do you want to go for lunch?

And that conversation happens once. That would show me they were concerned, and not nosy.

I'm very much in Cindy's camp on this one. If it's important and I want you to know about some sort of physical issue, I will tell you. Otherwise, figure I want to keep things private.

Yes, I'm supposed to get a hip replacement next month. I am somewhat on the fence about it, as I have had this issue for about 10 years, so why not make it 11?

But we're at a point where it isn't going to get better, and I'm at a point in life when I have time to do it. If I walk for an hour, the limp gets worse. I'm starting to feel it on the Peloton. It throbs at night. And I need to take NSAIDs to avoid pain doing ordinary things, like get out of a car.

So I will go ahead. No way can I take this hip to New Zealand. I'll be sitting in the car when the rest of the group is hiking and kayaking, etc.

I have a surgeon who I think is pretty good (good reputation, did a double hip replacement on one of my tennis captains, does a lot of revisions to fix hip replacements gone wrong), and he refuses to do the minimally invasive, newfangled approach because he thinks the end result is not as good.

Cindy -- who would never inquire about Nina's swollen ankle in the first place

Good luck, Cindy! I'm sure you've done all the research on recovery times, etc. You're also setting yourself up well because you're already physically fit and active, and on the younger side.

Each of the surgical approaches for THR (there are like four of them) has pros and cons, but they all ultimately work really well.

Pro tip: If you are on the heavier duty narcotic/opiod painkillers after surgery, don't ignore the instructions to take a laxative. Those drugs will lock your bowels up big time.

Best wishes for a successful surgery. If your experience parallels Mr wtg's, you'll be a much happier camper post-surgery. By leaps and bounds....

quote:

Originally posted by Nina:
I disagree that persistent questioning about someone's physical *anything* comes from concern.

Warning! Logical fallacy! You’ve introduced the word “persistent” where it wasn’t part of the hypothetical and where I explicitly indicated that that wasn’t what I was talking about.

quote:

there’s nothing wrong with people initiating a conversation. Likewise, there’s nothing wrong with saying “I’d rather not talk about it,” and then everyone should move on to other topics.

You shouldn’t need to take the argument to its most extreme position, especially when the person with whom you are disagreeing indicates that wasn’t what they were talking about.

Persistent questioning about *anything* is insensitive.

Cindy, my tennis playing neighbor has been limping since I have known her..A year or so ago, I drove her to an event and she could barely get out of my car. I asked her how she played and she said she was strategic about her plays. She has an amazing sense of humor and I think she used it to mask her pain.

In December her Dr had an opening and offered it to her..right before Xmas when her husband would be home for the holidays to help out.

What a transformation!! Because she is fit (she is 63) her recovery was amazingly fast. She was driving at 4 weeks (maybe less). I took her again for an outing while she was recovering..to the supermarket...She took only one crutch that she threw into the carriage that I pushed along behind her.

Her take after a month or two was that ...She didn't notice after a while how much she was putting up with pain...When it was gone, she felt completely transformed. Her only complaint were in the first two weeks or so..her muscles would spasm at random times...All that manipulation caused it....They came on randomly but tapered off in the first week or two..

She is back to that ladies tennis league with no side effects.(again cleared at an amazingly short time) And I now go for walks with her where she moves with ease, standing tall, no limp!

Do it!!!

quote:

Originally posted by Cindysphinx:
Yes, I'm supposed to get a hip replacement next month. I am somewhat on the fence about it, as I have had this issue for about 10 years, so why not make it 11?

But we're at a point where it isn't going to get better, and I'm at a point in life when I have time to do it. If I walk for an hour, the limp gets worse. I'm starting to feel it on the Peloton. It throbs at night. And I need to take NSAIDs to avoid pain doing ordinary things, like get out of a car.

So I will go ahead. No way can I take this hip to New Zealand. I'll be sitting in the car when the rest of the group is hiking and kayaking, etc.

I have a surgeon who I think is pretty good (good reputation, did a double hip replacement on one of my tennis captains, does a lot of revisions to fix hip replacements gone wrong), and he refuses to do the minimally invasive, newfangled approach because he thinks the end result is not as good.

Cindy -- who would never inquire about Nina's swollen ankle in the first place

A number of my age peers have had some type of hip replacement. All have seen a big improvement in mobility and in how they feel.

There are several people in the local over 50 ski group that ski after hip and knee replacements.
A friend was surfing when a hip failed. He had one and maybe two knee replacements before that.
He skied the following season.