That is a joke.

That’s different than asking in all sincerity whether your husband likes that dress.

quote:

Originally posted by Cindysphinx:
That is a joke.

That’s different than asking in all sincerity whether your husband likes that dress.

No, it isn't always a joke. Sometimes, it is said in utmost seriousness. The implication is that a man can't possibly know what is appropriate and inappropriate to wear, and that his wife/girlfriend should have saved him from himself.

You need nicer friends, then. I would never walk up to any person and say such a thing.

Quirt, I think we're talking about two different things. First, I agree that there is a cultural stereotype of the totally inept, loser man who is basically unable to put one foot in front of the other without help from his wife or kids. It's ridiculous, but it's there. It forms the backbone of many sitcoms, for example--thinking of "everyone loves raymond" as one, or virtually any TV commercial about housekeeping. Once you start to notice it, it's really, really annoying.

But I do think it's different than the expectation among many (and mostly men) that there is some sort of natural order where the woman obeys the man, the daughter obeys the father, the sister obeys the brother, the wife obeys the husband. To go against this, in even the most trivial manner, is to bump against this natural law, and indicates a basic flaw in the female, not the male. It's against culture, biology, religion.

I'm not saying this is how you think, at all. But it is most definitely how a LOT of men think, and it goes well beyond jokes or hand-slapping. But I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here, so this will likely be my last comment, unless something gets really juicy.

My husband and I police each other's clothing and grooming decisions. I want to know if he doesn't like the choices I've made and vice versa.

But my husband has good taste and I respect his opinion on such matters. Also vice versa. With boyfriends who were not so gifted the dynamic would definitely be different. I might refuse to appear in public with them. I might insist they make a change. And of course they would do my bidding because they wanted to be attractive to me.

Also neither my husband nor I are controllable entities. We do what we want to do. Most of the time we want to please each other. Rarely do we want to please ourselves against the other's wishes, but it certainly does happen. On both sides.

For an acquaintance to ask woman how her husband feels about her hair choices is, first of all, none of their damn business, and second, betrays a belief on the questioner's part that the choice is unattractive, and third, implies the questioner's attitude is that wives are chattel. All of which is highly offensive.

I wouldn't put up with it.

I know a woman who showed up for the second date with a suit for her date to wear for more than a few second dates.
She was looking for a husband. That search took a while.

She sounds like she was looking for a victim.

quote:

Originally posted by CHAS:
She was looking for a husband. That search took a while.

I think guys might do this differently.

"Dude! What on Earth are are you wearing? And what the hell is that smell?"

Every so often someone asks me what my husband/boyfriend thinks of my hair or shoes. Used to be guys who were that stupid. Now its the occasional woman, always my age or older. I try really really hard not to roll my eyes. It always conveyed the implication that permission was needed and they didn't believe I had it.

Moving along, that haircut looks amazeballs on you, Cindy! You have great bones and skin, and the cut shows them off.

I wondered why this thread had popped up again until I ready the latest three pages.

I've been educated more than once here how the perspective and experiences of an old straight white man is not the same as that of someone who differs in one or more of those characteristics. I never would have anticipated that a change of hair style would have provided one more lesson to me.

Big Al