LOVE IT! And I can imagine how much easier it is for you...You look great!!!

Looking great! I think it's the first picture I've seen of you without fuzzy slippers.


jf

I’ve had short hair for a couple of months, and the reactions of people have been interesting. They fall into a few categories.

First, there are people who know me well but say nothing at all. This strikes me as a little odd — surely they noticed. That’s ok. We have conditioned people not to comment on the appearance of others. Besides, that’s better than some other reactions.

Next are the people who say something simple, like “Hey, I like your hair” and then go about their business. This is fine too.

Next are the people who lose their damn minds. I swear, one of my supervisors practically shouted in the break room, “Oh my God! I didn’t even recognize you. When did this happen? You look so different!” Ugh. I cut my hair. I didn’t amputate limbs.

Then we have the people who say something kind as a warm up to get all up in my business. So many Questions, some in an apparent attempt to get me to open up. Like “How do you feel about it?” I didn’t like that, as it seemed to imply that the person though I looked hideous and wanted to know if I understood? Or maybe I was going to confess to buyers remorse? It felt weird to ask that and then walk away.

And then there are a few, in this day and age, who really blow it. Just today, a woman asked me, “What does your husband think of this?” Um, I’ve been allowed to make decisions about my body the whole time we’ve been together. He doesn’t get to decide.

So let’s review. If someone makes a big change, say nothing or say it looks nice. That’s plenty.

The other thing I hadn’t anticipated is how many worlds you travel in, and everyone in every world will be seeing the change at some point. I’m on work travel this week, so now I have a whole new set of people who are talking about my hair. Next week I will be seeing extended family. I figured short hair would be old news by now, but I’m not there yet.

And yes, I really like it. It’s growing nicely, and I cannot wait to have a massive Afro. Pics when I get a minute.

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Next are the people who lose their damn minds.

I know those people....

I wonder if there's something about hair changes that makes people forget to mind their own business. Like how pregnant women describe people getting really quite personal with them, maybe a hair cut is somehow magically not included in the List of Things That Are Off-limits...

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If someone makes a big change, say nothing or say it looks nice. That’s plenty.

Yep. I have a work friend (who I'm now good friends with) and early on in my time here, she got pregnant. At first I wasn't sure, and didn't say anything because, you know, what if I were wrong! But she's married and has another child, so a second one seemed likely. But still I didn't say anything. Then, it became super obvious (as pregnancy tends to do), but I didn't say anything because we were still little more than work colleagues at that point. Finally, we were standing at the copier one day and she mentioned something about it, and I said "oh are you pregnant? Congratulations that's so exciting!" which was kind of awkward, because she was by that point super-pregnant. She laughed and said something about how I was probably the only person who waited for her to bring it up.

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And yes, I really like it. It’s growing nicely, and I cannot wait to have a massive Afro. Pics when I get a minute.

That's awesome! I'm so glad! And yes, pics please!!

“What does your husband think about this?”



Wow.

Can’t wait to see more pics!

I'm late to the party.

Looks great!

This is a bit of a tangent, but here goes: While I get the concept of bodily autonomy, I also don't get the idea that you wouldn't take your spouse's preferences into account.

I have a beard. If Mary Anna didn't like it, I'd shave. I'd have the right to keep it, whether or not she liked it, but I just don't get the idea that I would ignore what she might think or prefer.

Quirt, I get what you're saying, and I do take my husband's preferences into account (for lots of things, and he does the same for me).

But that's different than the question Cindy describes, which has a read-between-the-lines connotation of needing the husband's permission. In the not-so-distant past, women did need permission (or were believed to need permission) from their husband for various things. So in the context of that background, I think the question is offensive.

And, while I can't speak for Cindy (or Jodi etc.) I think that question feels quite different from simply asking "does your husband like it?"

Which, still, I'd rather not be asked by a passing acquaintance....

That’s why it’s a bit of a tangent. Not the same thing.

But Cindy’s comment did trigger that thought.

There's also for me a bit of a snoopy aspect to the question of whether her husband would like it. It's personal, and presumes that you're willing to discuss your relationship with your husband (or whoever), which frankly is none of your business. If it was a good friend where you routinely yak about anything that's one thing, but from a work associate? Over the line.

Disclaimer: my parents were born and raised in the Midwest.

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I have a beard. If Mary Anna didn't like it, I'd shave.

Been there. Done that. Beard gone.

[Before anyone comments snarkily, no, Mary Anna did not ask me ... ]

quote:

Originally posted by Piano*Dad:

quote:

I have a beard. If Mary Anna didn't like it, I'd shave.

Been there. Done that. Beard gone.

[Before anyone comments snarkily, no, Mary Anna did not ask me ... ]

Beauty is natural and natural is beautiful.

You look great.

Quirt, I understand why you ask the question.

Part of the issue is that many men see a women's hair as part of her sex appeal. So asking that question has a whiff of, "Does your husband still think you're hot, 'cause I can see how he wouldn't. "

And consider: Say a woman is showing off a new tattoo. Would anyone ask what her husband thinks? The hair question is personal and bizarre.

And I'd never ask a man what his wife thinks of his new beard. She doesn't own him, and it's none of my business.

quote:

Originally posted by Cindysphinx:
Quirt, I understand why you ask the question.

Part of the issue is that many men see a women's hair as part of her sex appeal. So asking that question has a whiff of, "Does your husband still think you're hot, 'cause I can see how he wouldn't. "

And consider: Say a woman is showing off a new tattoo. Would anyone ask what her husband thinks? The hair question is personal and bizarre.

And I'd never ask a man what his wife thinks of his new beard. She doesn't own him, and it's none of my business.

Yes, a third party asking does seem inappropriate. What your husband or wife thinks is between you and them. A close friend might ask, perhaps.

I was more reacting to this:

quote:

Um, I’ve been allowed to make decisions about my body the whole time we’ve been together. He doesn’t get to decide.

Well, of course he doesn't get to decide. But I imagine he might have an opinion. "What does he think?" is asking what his opinion is. The question is inappropriate, but your point seemed to conflate having an opinion (and having that opinion considered) with control, and that seems incorrect to me.