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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity  |
Re my upcoming holiday open house, for people who haven’t rsvp’ed yet, what do you do? (I originally did the invite by email and asked for RSVPs by a certain date). One thing I have on my radar is the fact that I sent my invites out at the busiest time of the semester, so some friends could have missed it. Maybe. Or else they just have bad manners.  After the date has passed, should I email again and say “maybe you missed it ...”. Or say I’m wanting to get an idea of the number? Do nothing?
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
I just send a reminder. People are used to it because those evite type places do it automatically
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| Has Achieved Nirvana |
Maybe send it just to the people who haven’t RSCPd but phrase it like ‘if you haven’t yet done so, please RSVP....’.
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
And after that, I’d follow the Any Vanderbilt model. The job of a host is to make the guest feel honored and wanted. If this particular guest didn’t rsvp it is appropriate to remove him/her from future guest lists but you must treat them as rare jewels in the moment.
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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity |
Anyone who shows up without RSVPing will get the same warm welcome as everyone else. And, as I think about it, I probably wouldn’t remove them from future guest lists. I might get into the habit of teasing them about it though.  Anyway, thanks you two, I’ll send out a little reminder.
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Has Achieved Nirvana |
People in butte are terrible about rsvps. At our last get together, we made enough food for “Most that would show” and about half showed up. Luckily it was all stuff we could eat/keep/freeze.
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JodiHas Achieved Nirvana |
While as a hostess I appreciate the desire to plan, unfortunately some guests don't always see things that way. It's an open house, not a formal dinner where someone's presence or absence is more obvious. Even with a reminder... Some who said yes may not show up. Some who said no may show up anyway. And like the first two groups, those who didn't say will do as they please. I just plan to feed everyone I invited and am happy to have leftovers to eat for the next few days, or to freeze for a future meal. Just sayin'.....
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| czarina Has Achieved Nirvana  |
I would think an open house and RSVPs belong to different functions. You RSVP a wedding or a sit down dinner. Open house means "show up when and if you feel like it between these hours". Your invitees may be confused by the mixing of the two.
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| (self-titled) semi-posting lurker Minor Deity |
Ahh, good point. I am obviously "confused by the mixing of the two" since I hadn't thought of it this way until now. Hmmm... Maybe I won't send reminders then...
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| Pinta & the Santa Maria Has Achieved Nirvana  |
I agree, successful RSVP's are not common. We've had parties where we've asked for a response as nicely as possible, going further than a simple "please RSVP." We've begged people to let us know if they were coming so we could plan. We've had people show up for formal dinners without RSVP'ing. I have gotten to the point where I just assume there will be a certain number of people who will surprise us at the door. I always over buy stuff. I like Steve's advice from Amy Vanderbilt: "If this particular guest didn’t rsvp it is appropriate to remove him/her from future guest lists but you must treat them as rare jewels in the moment." | |||
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| knitterati Beatification Candidate  |
I’d still send the reminders, but not expect/ask for an RSVP.
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Minor Deity |
+1 An open house is considered a show up if you can sort of thing...I have had one for many years, and some RSVP, but I never know who will show up or not.. And with an Open House, I think the expectation is that the guests may not stay for an extended period...Like a real estate open house, they will stop by, chat and visit, then move on to the next event.
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well-temperedforum.groupee.net The Well-Tempered Forum Off Key Next etiquette question: what to do about lack of RSVP?