quote:

Originally posted by QuirtEvans:
A lesson I learned from my daughter recently, which I am still struggling to learn how to implement:

When you get it wrong, don't apologize. If you apologize, that puts a burden on the other person to forgive you. Just correct yourself and work harder not to make the mistake again.

I haven't figured out what I'm supposed to say when I realize I've made a mistake. Correct myself, sure. But what should I say? I generally settle for some variation of "Dammit, I'm an idiot," but I'm not entirely sure that's the correct approach.

Advice on better formulations welcome.

I’ve heard similar - but it wasn’t to not apologize but rather to not belabour the point. When it was explained to me it was in regards to misgendering someone. Rather than apologizing profusely and making a big deal of it (in other words, centring yourself) to just say, “My apologies, she...” and move on. Don’t wait to be acknowledged or forgiven, just correct and move forward. I’m not sure I can come up with an eloquent way to do that without using an apology. I’m not sure Steve’s works in every situation, because it doesn’t cover mis-speaking, only making a mistake that has been pointed out.

I have used, “Thank you for pointing out what I said was hurtful/inappropriate/etc. I appreciate it and won’t use that phrase again” or similar when I’ve inadvertently said something I shouldn’t have out of ignorance. In that case I don’t apologize.

“Oh. OK. Guess I missed that. Let’s move on.”

What I like about this approach is that it’s true and accurate. You are not the kind of guy who wants to sound insensitive, and if you come across that way it’s because you didn’t grasp the situation the first time.

My father changed our last name (it was Russian) because nobody could pronounce it and it was aggravating and tedious to keep explaining the pronunciation. A cousin with the same last name changed it to Knight (my father didn't go for this because he didn't want to hide his ethnicity). In the case of a name like Phuc Dong, you'd think the owner would at least want to change it to at least a different Chinese name once they understand American slang. What I don't understand is why anyone else thinks it is their problem when it isn't their own name.

quote:

Originally posted by piqué:
What I don't understand is why anyone else thinks it is their problem when it isn't their own name.

Lost you here. Explain?

I think the teacher should grow up already and just use the name. And anyone who snickers can be excused from the room.

I imagine names common in the United States are obscenities in other languages.

quote:

In the case of a name like Phuc Dong, you'd think the owner would at least want to change it to at least a different Chinese name

Here's part of the problem. That name isn't Chinese. It's Vietnamese.

Many years ago I called the roll on day 1 and stopped for a moment at

Luong Dong.

Another rather ... intriguing ... Vietnamese name. At that point, I think he was unaware of the connotation. I did not inform him.

quote:

Originally posted by Piano*Dad:

quote:

In the case of a name like Phuc Dong, you'd think the owner would at least want to change it to at least a different Chinese name

Here's part of the problem. That name isn't Chinese. It's Vietnamese.

Many years ago I called the roll on day 1 and stopped for a moment at

Luong Dong.

Another rather ... intriguing ... Vietnamese name. At that point, I think he was unaware of the connotation. I did not inform him.

I am certain he was informed rather quickly by classmates, perhaps not in a kind way.

I’d say it’s different when a teacher suggests it rather than a friend.

quote:

Originally posted by Steve Miller:
I’d say it’s different when a teacher suggests it rather than a friend.

I completely agree. My point was, the teacher didn't need to do it ... a classmate was going to take care of that, and then the student could express the preference themselves, without the teacher suggesting it.

The teacher just needs to make clear that they'll call the student by whatever the student chooses, and that the student can change that choice if they so desire.

quote:

Originally posted by Cindysphinx:
I imagine names common in the United States are obscenities in other languages.

I knew a ‘Randy’ who became ‘Randall’ about 5 minutes after arriving in the UK.

I'm just catching up with the do-dont' apologize thing. I agree that making a big hairy deal out of your apology puts everyone into an awkward situation. I don't agree to the blanket statement that you should never apologize, just do it better/differently next time. I think an apology also serves to acknowledge that you made a mistake. Saying nothing puts the onus on the other to start working on a calculation and notice improvements in the future and keep a mental "running tab." I guess the idea is that after enough corrections or non-repetitions then the offendee will forgive the offender?

I like Dol's approach, personally.

quote:

Originally posted by Cindysphinx:

...I imagine names common in the United States are obscenities in other languages.

Occasionally, I become aware by chance of some such overlaps between languages but I'm sure there are a great many.

For instance, I remain amused by the former Harvard president's last name, Bok, meaning sh*t in Turkish.

And even though he doesn't visit France, I always chuckle inwardly knowing my ex's first name, Savaş (Turkish, of course), pronounced "Savash" becomes "Sa vache" in French. I.e., "Her idiot/jerk". Hehehe.

quote:

Originally posted by jon-nyc:

quote:

Originally posted by Cindysphinx:
I imagine names common in the United States are obscenities in other languages.

I knew a ‘Randy’ who became ‘Randall’ about 5 minutes after arriving in the UK.

Randy Paul became Rand when he ran for Congress ...

OTOH, the electrical inspector in a nearby town is still....

Randy Buck.

quote:

Originally posted by Steve Miller:

quote:

Originally posted by piqué:
What I don't understand is why anyone else thinks it is their problem when it isn't their own name.

Lost you here. Explain?

If it isn't your name, why should you care?