So our dog is at least 14, maybe 15 - we don't know for sure because he was a rescue. Unknown breed, but we think he is part cattle dog and part jack russell. From the day we got him, he was an anxious dog - he must have been through some crap before we got him because he was hand shy and a bit fear aggressive and we almost returned him as not the best choice for a household with children, but over time, we mostly fixed his behavior, though never quite solved the underlying anxiety. Nonetheless, he's had a pretty good life until maybe the last year or two.

Over the past year or two, though, his already high level of anxiety has gone off the charts. I think this is due to a combination of things - his back legs are weak and failing and he has trouble getting around and he seems to be in quite a bit of pain despite being given a hefty dose of pain pills. He has also grown quite deaf and confused - the vet diagnosed him with doggy senility and gave us some meds to try but they haven't helped. Between those two things, plus his underlying anxiety that he's had all his life, he has become quite an emotional mess. There was a 6 month period over the past year where we did not sleep through the night ever - he was constantly panting and pacing and either Mr Lisa or I would stay up with him all night trying to console him like a colicky baby. We almost decided to put him down then (in fact, the vet we saw for a second opinion encouraged it), but we stuck it out trying various combinations of anti anxiety, pain, and tranquilizer meds.

We seem to have hit on something that basically works most of the time, so for the past 5 months or so, he (and we, thank god) have been sleeping through the night. But it's basically only because we keep him so doped up all day long that all he does is sleep. He still wants to eat and he still goes outside to pee/poop but that's it. Everything he used to love (walks, play, even lay outside in the sun on a nice day) he has zero interest in. And honestly, because it's so hard for him to get around, we couldn't take him on walks even if he wanted to.

We never expected him to last this long, honestly, but we seem to have found a place where he is existing fine but not really living. Again, he still loves to eat (and we have perhaps indulged him a little too much, so he's pretty porky now which I'm sure isn't helping his mobility) but that's about it. He does seem to be in pain and looks sad pretty much all the time, but he's still managing things - it hasn't become that "crisis" stage that I thought for sure would come long before now.

The reason I am posting is because, like I said, this past winter, we were thinking it would be any day now and we did not expect him to still be around. And now we are staring down the barrel of a summer of absolutely unavoidable travel. First, in like 2 weeks, we have to go to NC to clean out Mr. Lisa's parents house (they both passed away over the past year). That is a drive we have taken every year that we had this dog and it was a huge stressor for him even when he was healthy and young - we had to drug him for the drive and he hated being down there in a strange house, didn't like walking on the beach, etc. I can only imagine how hard it would be for him now that his world is already so stressful. On the other hand, we could leave him here and ask our very kind neighbor to check on him (she would need to come to give him meds 4x/day) but he also hates to be alone. He whimpers and cries if I get up and leave the room. So I don't think it would go well to leave him for 2 weeks either. And if something happened and he had to be put down while we were gone, I would feel awful that my neighbor would have to deal with it and even more awful that we weren't there for him.

And even if we get through the NC trip by taking him with us, it is quickly followed by a few other unavoidable trips - college visits with LL#2, and a 2 week trip to Ohio to take LL#2 to a 2 week camp and help move LL#1 from one house to another. He can't come on any of those so we'd be looking at leaving him alone.

Ugh - I don't see any real answer here, which is why I'm seeking advice. It feels cold to make the decision to euthanize based on our travel schedule especially after everything we've been through over the past 2 years to keep him going. On the other hand, it seems cruel to put him through the stress of the trip and cruel to leave him home alone, and no matter what we do, I'm sure it will upset the delicate balance we've found and send him into a tailspin. Part of me thinks that as long as he is deriving pleasure from something (even if it's only eating and sleeping at my feet) his life is worth keeping, but part of me thinks back to what the 2nd opinion vet said months ago. He said look at the quality of their life now compared to what it was in their prime and look at how many of the things he used to love he is still able to do, and when I do that, it seems like we should have let him go a long time ago.

I don't know what I'm looking for here - a solution I haven't thought of, some words of wisdom, I dunno. You can also tell me I'm the worst dog owner in the world for even considering this -- I already feel that way. Thanks for letting me dump this out.....I needed to unload it on someone.

Oh I'm so sorry! I don't have any words of wisdom, hopefully some of the wise dog owners here will. But I just wanted to say that you are not a bad dog owner at all! You're trying to do the right thing when the right thing is not at all clear.

My doggy heart goes out to you.

One of our vets told us a long time ago that you never feel like you made the decision to let go at the right time. If you wait for an emergency, you think you waited too long and the animal suffered. If there is no precipitating health crisis, you feel like you made the decision too soon.

I read this book some years ago and found this vet's advice to be very helpful. She frames things in a way that helped me feel more comfortable about making health care decisions, including letting a loved pet go. The chapters The Spiritual Nature of Animals and Graceful Exits in particular resonated with me.

https://www.amazon.com/Kindred...id=1622553250&sr=8-1

You're doing the best you can and that's all can ask of oneself. You are an exceptional dog owner who has done everything possible to make your pet's life a happy one.

Whatever your decision is, I know it will come from a place of love and concern for your dog. It will be OK.

It's never the right time and, despite what lots of people say, you don't "know" when it is time.

Objectively speaking, based solely on what you have written here, the vet who advised you to put him down was correct, and it is past time to say good bye. A dog who is no longer enjoying his life and who is in pain is ready to say good bye.

So you are not having him PTS because of your upcoming travel. You are letting him go because you've already waited too long.

Do not be hard on yourself. There is never a perfect time to do this. It is always going to feel arbitrary unless you wait for a crisis, and then you will beat yourself up for waiting too long!

Find a vet who will come to your home. Pick a beautiful day and feed him his favorite treats and let him lay with his head on your lap in the sun in his familiar yard. Kiss him good bye and tell him you love him.

A dog in chronic pain is not living a good life. And dogs are stoic so the pain is worse than he lets on.

Im sorry! Sending hugs!

It's a tough decision, but given the situation you describe I'd follow the advice of your vet.

Hugs.

quote:

Originally posted by piqué:
It's never the right time and, despite what lots of people say, you don't "know" when it is time.

Objectively speaking, based solely on what you have written here, the vet who advised you to put him down was correct, and it is past time to say good bye. A dog who is no longer enjoying his life and who is in pain is ready to say good bye.

So you are not having him PTS because of your upcoming travel. You are letting him go because you've already waited too long.

Do not be hard on yourself. There is never a perfect time to do this. It is always going to feel arbitrary unless you wait for a crisis, and then you will beat yourself up for waiting too long!

Find a vet who will come to your home. Pick a beautiful day and feed him his favorite treats and let him lay with his head on your lap in the sun in his familiar yard. Kiss him good bye and tell him you love him.

A dog in chronic pain is not living a good life. And dogs are stoic so the pain is worse than he lets on.

Im sorry! Sending hugs!

I could not have said it better.

quote:

Originally posted by Mikhailoh:

quote:

Originally posted by piqué:
It's never the right time and, despite what lots of people say, you don't "know" when it is time.

Objectively speaking, based solely on what you have written here, the vet who advised you to put him down was correct, and it is past time to say good bye. A dog who is no longer enjoying his life and who is in pain is ready to say good bye.

So you are not having him PTS because of your upcoming travel. You are letting him go because you've already waited too long.

Do not be hard on yourself. There is never a perfect time to do this. It is always going to feel arbitrary unless you wait for a crisis, and then you will beat yourself up for waiting too long!

Find a vet who will come to your home. Pick a beautiful day and feed him his favorite treats and let him lay with his head on your lap in the sun in his familiar yard. Kiss him good bye and tell him you love him.

A dog in chronic pain is not living a good life. And dogs are stoic so the pain is worse than he lets on.

Im sorry! Sending hugs!

I could not have said it better.

+1 I am so sorry - this decision is never easy, but putting him down now is what I would do.

Thank you all. Part of the problem is that our regular vet seems to be taking a "keep him going as long as possible" approach. We've been with her forever and she had no qualms about letting us know when it was time with our other dog, so the fact that she keeps suggesting other things we can try makes us feel like we haven't done everything, if that makes any sense. I don't know if that's what most people want or what she thinks we want or if she honestly thinks we haven't done everything (but seriously, he is on like 5 different meds 4 times a day and we are spending hundreds of dollars a month on them...I'm not sure what else there is realistically to do for a 14 year old dog with dementia except keep him as comfortable as possible except that even that really isn't working.)

quote:

Part of the problem is that our regular vet seems to be taking a "keep him going as long as possible" approach.

I missed this part. I'm sorry.

I can understand your vet wanting to do everything possible, but in my opinion his (her?) quality of life is such that prolonging life will not improve life - yours or your dog's. I believe it's time.

I second what Pique said about having someone come to your house. That's what we did for Dallas and it was of considerable comfort.

One thing to consider...your dog is simply living in the present and he doesn't fear death; that's a singularly human thing to worry about.

Also....Vets are people, too, and seem to vary on where they draw the line. And they bring their own life experiences and baggage just like we all do.

Our old vet was the "try everything" type; I think he saw euthanasia as a failure on his part. Some doctors are like that, too, and recommend every last treatment on earth for people, including and especially the elderly. This approach may extend life, but I'm not sure it's necessarily the right path.

The vet we have now tends to recommend euthanasia at a much earlier point, sometimes too early, I think, but I believe his motivation is avoidance of the possibility of animal suffering.

We disagreed with him on this point a couple of times and went longer than I think he thought we should but we trusted our own instincts and didn't have any regrets about our decisions.

Would you feel comfortable having a heart-to-heart with your vet to let her know where you think things stand?

quote:

Originally posted by jodi:

quote:

Originally posted by Mikhailoh:

quote:

Originally posted by piqué:
It's never the right time and, despite what lots of people say, you don't "know" when it is time.

Objectively speaking, based solely on what you have written here, the vet who advised you to put him down was correct, and it is past time to say good bye. A dog who is no longer enjoying his life and who is in pain is ready to say good bye.

So you are not having him PTS because of your upcoming travel. You are letting him go because you've already waited too long.

Do not be hard on yourself. There is never a perfect time to do this. It is always going to feel arbitrary unless you wait for a crisis, and then you will beat yourself up for waiting too long!

Find a vet who will come to your home. Pick a beautiful day and feed him his favorite treats and let him lay with his head on your lap in the sun in his familiar yard. Kiss him good bye and tell him you love him.

A dog in chronic pain is not living a good life. And dogs are stoic so the pain is worse than he lets on.

Im sorry! Sending hugs!

I could not have said it better.

+1 I am so sorry - this decision is never easy, but putting him down now is what I would do.

Count me in as sharing this opinion.

So sorry.

quote:

Originally posted by Lisa:
Thank you all. Part of the problem is that our regular vet seems to be taking a "keep him going as long as possible" approach. We've been with her forever and she had no qualms about letting us know when it was time with our other dog, so the fact that she keeps suggesting other things we can try makes us feel like we haven't done everything, if that makes any sense. I don't know if that's what most people want or what she thinks we want or if she honestly thinks we haven't done everything (but seriously, he is on like 5 different meds 4 times a day and we are spending hundreds of dollars a month on them...I'm not sure what else there is realistically to do for a 14 year old dog with dementia except keep him as comfortable as possible except that even that really isn't working.)

This makes your job so much harder. How are you supposed to trust your own judgment over your vet's? They are the professional, right? And I can see how this would make you feel guilty, or at least embarrassed to tell your vet that you disagree. But remember, another vet gave you the opposite advice.

Your original post sounds to me like you already know it is past time. How you deal with your vet is a different question.

You and your vet don't have to agree. Once you have clarity as to the right course of action, you need not explain anything to anyone. If your regular vet doesn't agree with your decision, you can either state clearly that you have decided it is time and ask her to come to your house and perform the euthanasia. Or, bypass all that and find another vet who will help. In future interactions, just tell your regular vet that the dog was deteriorating and she (vet) wasn't available.

I'm sorry. Euthanasia is very hard on vets, too. I've run into one of mine at a public meeting still in tears because of it.

We are going to be facing these decisions soon. Both our dogs will be 13, and 13 is ancient for a German shepherd.

I'm so sorry, Lisa. There are no easy answers here, and there are the feelings of your children to consider as well. Give yourself a break, and know that you're going to do the best you can.

I’m so sorry, Lisa. But based on what you wrote, I think it’s time, or past time. You are a responsible, loving pet owner, and you are feeling all that goes along with that.

I highly recommend a vet that comes to your home.

Hugs to you.

I don’t know. Our last Aussie lasted one year with cancer, and it was hard to put him down.

You’ve done far, far more than we were able to handle. All I can say is I am 100% sure you will make the best decision for everyone.