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Originally posted by jodi:
It took me all day (messing with it in between doing other necessary things) just to do one freaking drawer (of mine) yesterday. I am hopeless.

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Found my old diary in a drawer and I continue to clean, wrote this as an after the fact submission to the link in my original post. I am not ready to toss the diary. Yet.

After you described what you found in today's drawer, I'd say you tackled a lot. It's not about cubic feet of stuff, it's about what it means to *you*.

I had planned to spend my first year of retirement purging stuff. I have scratched the surface, but just.

Yesterday, I replied to a craigslist ad offering some free bricks. I am going to use them in the garden (sorta like Mr SK did). When I got there, the fellow said it was his parents' house and anything I wanted was free. There was some furniture, two tables of knick-knacks, some kitchen stuff, and a random assortment of tools. He said his brother was coming over to take some of the tools, so I deferred to family. I grabbed one folding chair, a psaltry, and a box of boxes of nails. Stuff I can use. I restrained myself from bringing home a carload of "stuff". He wanted to keep things out of the landfill, but I just don't have room. There was a huge 1950s dining room table with three leaves that would seat about 12. And a nice china hutch. But we don't have anywhere to put them. I have two spare dining room tables already.

In the codicil to my will, I have already noted what estate sale service to hire.

I have no kids to saddle with a houseful of stuff. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

jodi: *hugs*

and more *hugs*

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Originally posted by wtg:

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Originally posted by Mikhailoh:
Yep. We have one child and do not want her to have to wade through mountains of the detritus of life.

As an only child, I thank you for recognizing this and bestowing that gift upon your daughter.

Ditto.

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Originally posted by jodi:
Found my old diary in a drawer and I continue to clean, wrote this as an after the fact submission to the link in my original post. I am not ready to toss the diary. Yet.



I am cleaning and decluttering, something I always feel the need to do, especially after coming home from visiting family. I lost my Dad in March. I just came back from staying with my mom while her husband had to be away (Mom and Dad divorced when I was 12). My parents, especially my mom, are savers of all things, and I'm trying to save my kids some of the difficulties of dealing with "stuff" after I am gone. I managed only one drawer yesterday. This was in the bottom of the one I cleared out today, my Diary, started in 1969, and restarted numerous times, and mostly filled with teenage angst (omg, so much angst) and really bad poetry. So bad. Anyway, as I was flipping through it, a note fell out from my mom, one she had written and taped to my bedroom door after my last piano recital senior year in high school - where my stage fright took over and my hands shook so badly through the entire Gershwin prelude. She was also a pianist (and an artist), and understood everything I was feeling - it was a note filled with love and support, and it made me cry all over again. Not because of the stage fright, but because when I was with her last week, she kept forgetting who I was. I am losing her, as her memories are being scrambled and lost and that makes me so very sad.

I’m so sorry, Jodi.

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Originally posted by jodi:
Anyway, as I was flipping through it, a note fell out from my mom, one she had written and taped to my bedroom door after my last piano recital senior year in high school - where my stage fright took over and my hands shook so badly through the entire Gershwin prelude. She was also a pianist (and an artist), and understood everything I was feeling - it was a note filled with love and support, and it made me cry all over again. Not because of the stage fright, but because when I was with her last week, she kept forgetting who I was. I am losing her, as her memories are being scrambled and lost and that makes me so very sad.

That’s hard beyond words.

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Originally posted by pianojuggler:

...In the codicil to my will, I have already noted what estate sale service to hire.

Might you be willing to share the name - in a PM if preferred. Of course, I realize it might be. a firm that only handles estates where you are.
(That said, you've already made it clear you are weighing numerous different destinations.)

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Originally posted by ShiroKuro:

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Originally posted by jodi:
Anyway, as I was flipping through it, a note fell out from my mom, one she had written and taped to my bedroom door after my last piano recital senior year in high school - where my stage fright took over and my hands shook so badly through the entire Gershwin prelude. She was also a pianist (and an artist), and understood everything I was feeling - it was a note filled with love and support, and it made me cry all over again. Not because of the stage fright, but because when I was with her last week, she kept forgetting who I was. I am losing her, as her memories are being scrambled and lost and that makes me so very sad.

That’s hard beyond words.

Yes, indeed.
But how good it is that you saved that precious note and I'm sure, other mementos.

As I go through my great store of papers, I am making a point of saving extra charming cards and messages my mother wrote to my sons when they were children, portraits and also their grandfather's hand-drawn birthday cards. I feel I'm paying an old debt to those newly thrilled grandparents, bringing them back to life to their now middle-aged grands.

Their grandma is now deep into Alzheimer's (SIL says there's absolutely no point in visiting her, "since she doesn't even remember who she is, much less anyone else"). These talismans show her heirs how charming, loving, and caring she once was towards them. It mattered greatly then, but even more now, shining bright sunlight through the shadows of her wizened, unrecognizable self. Even I am amazed at how much effort she clearly expended at choosing better cards than I dreamt the commercial industry produced.

Saving those cards and letters will help them remember her as she was to them in eons past. I also have many letters to me, from her and my dad (also the recently departed brother). Although I can't read them all (how to choose?), they serve a magical purpose calling back to life past selves and relationships so different from later selves - full of imagination, care and humor.

One can become stuck in a scratched groove of the most painful times, especially if they were really traumatic. Our old vinyls can be priceless, indelible testimony of the best of their past selves - how much they loved and cared about children and children's children. A happy time machine of inaccessible past times.

What WILL today's generations X Y Z etc. do when they are aged? (Yes, kids it WILL happen!). What will they get out of the random emails and texts that survive? I've even saved a few voicemail recordings which really tug at the heartstrings especially when they come from people who are no more - either literally, or because of (their own) memory loss. Those clear, bell tones overlie our recall of their more recent crackling voices, often scarcely intelligible.

Jodi, your moving experience is a testimony to the value of saving more rather than less, when it comes to preserving shards of altered personalities.

As opposed to the dumpster approach.

For one thing, our own memories are also bound to fray (if not worse). These tangible proofs of those we have loved (as once they were) connect us not only to them but our own former selves and relationships.

Jodi, you should know that this thread has inspired me to be want to be more proactive about whittling down the unnecessary junk (but, as SK says, saving what truly matters). I have to do better. So, if nothing else, you've given me a call to action.

Families, individuals, and situations vary greatly. There are all kinds of combinations, some good, and some not so good.

I have two friends whose houses are filled to the brim with photographs, furniture and all the other stuff people of our generation have accumulated. Neither has any plans to declutter/downsize and are of of the "they'll carry me out of here feet first" camp. Neither cares if it all goes to the dumpster after she is gone, and their respective children are the types who will have no problem filling the dumpster. Should work out OK.

I also have friends who are aggressively paring down their possessions. In some cases they are transferring ownership to kids who actually want the stuff (figuring "why should they wait till I'm dead?"), or they are selling/donating/throwing away items that aren't of any interest to the children. Also seems like a happy combo.

And then there are the people who want to keep everything and expect their "travel light" children to keep things going. I've seen a few of these up close, and it's hard on everyone.

Some people live in the present and find having a lot of "stuff" to be a burden rather than a delight. Some want to re-live and preserve memories and find great joy in keeping reminders of times long gone. I think it's important to develop a gentle understanding of, and respect for, who we are and who the people around us are. Ideally, this can be worked out ahead of time among the parties involved.

One more thing..... if you have old utility bills still filed away, they can probably go.....

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Originally posted by Amanda:

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Originally posted by pianojuggler:

...In the codicil to my will, I have already noted what estate sale service to hire.

Might you be willing to share the name - in a PM if preferred. Of course, I realize it might be. a firm that only handles estates where you are.
(That said, you've already made it clear you are weighing numerous different destinations.)

They are local to the Seattle area.
https://www.girlfriendsestatesales.com/

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I think it's important to develop a gentle understanding of, and respect for, who we are and who the people around us are.

This!