A statement from the (TOTALLY EXONERATED) President of the United States (Donald Trump):
My fellow Americans (except for the losers and haters who don’t recognize I am an amazing president, possibly the best in history):
Today I have made the remarkably good decision to assert executive privilege over the entire Mueller report (WITCH HUNT!) because the stupid Democrats want to see the whole thing even though I’ve already told them it totally exonerates me and there was NO COLLUSION and NO OBSTRUCTION.
The loser Democrats are voting to hold our wonderful attorney general, Bill Barr, who is just so great, truly, probably the best attorney general pick ever, in Contempt. I don’t know where Contempt is, but I can’t have my attorney general hauled off to some place I’ve never heard of by a bunch of sore-loser Democrats. I need him here, doing his job, which is protecting your favorite president. That’s in the Constitution, folks.
