From the local Facebook group:

I know there is a lot of tension going on right now, but I thought I would share with everyone a good laugh. My husband went to Costco this morning and was texting me journal entries, it made me laugh so hard, so I thought I share with ya’ll.

Journal entry: I have been in line now for 30 minutes. As I watch these wonderful creatures, I tend to see groupings happen among them. The dumb ones show up and walk to the middle of the line asking"is this where the line ends?" Poor mouth breathers. Other are acting accordingly and playing nicely. Jokes can be heard and laughter to be had. Little do they know that when the doors open: Welcome to the thunder dome b******.

Journal entry: the more i gather I tend to see what type of "apocalypse ready" people are. The female of the species shows up in what they call ugg boots. Little do they know that when traction is needed the "basic b****" will not get far.

Journal entry: as the crowds grow, I am starting to see a presence of alphas entering the field. I observe the male species with the chests pushed forward and arms cocked back. Little do they know that a new alpha has entered the field. The Karens have arrived.

Journal entry: as the mist intensifies, people are fleeing their posts for shelter and warmth. They identify as "millenials". The "boomers" stand strong fronting the storm muttering "dog face pony riders" as they sip on their bold black coffee.

Journal entry: the young cub of the group is cuddled under his mother's warmth. He is slowly leaking gas as his comfort level increases. Hold those tight little man, those can be used as chemical warfare later.

Journal entry: the hour is upon us before the doors are opened. The crowd is getting unsettled and friends are slowly turning into enemies. I see the front line of Karen's applying hairspray to there spikey hair styles. The small children are being fastened to their chariots preparing for the great corona run. Humanity is slowly disappearing.

Journal entry: as the time approaches for the gates of hell to open, the tension raises in the air. The field has grown silent, you can hear the weeping of the men in hand knitted scarfs cry in the background. Be strong young ones, but I fear you will not make it past the clothing isle. Your sacrifice will not go unnoticed. I stand here on this day, the 14th of March, year of the corona, a more humble man. I hear war can change a persons perspective on life. If I do not make it back to my lovely wife and daughter, remember me, in a tribute statue of me made of toilet paper so we never forget. The hoarders may have taken our toilet paper, but they will never have our freedom!!!!!

And today, of course, is the Ides of March....

So, what do you do with a woman named Julie who attempts to steal TP from Walmart today ...

You say to your security guy: "Julie! Seize-her!"

*groan*

quote:

Originally posted by Piano*Dad:
So, what do you do with a woman named Julie who attempts to steal TP from Walmart today ...

You say to your security guy: "Julie! Seize-her!"

(moved this from another thread)

It's about 40 degrees outside and the streets are pretty deserted of both foot and motor vehicle traffic.

I went for a walk and heard a voice yelling half a block away. It was a little girl screaming "Lemonade, two dollars. Get your lemonade!"

Gets an "A" for effort, but her product selection and marketing strategy could use some fine tuning.