That's a lovely piece. Thanks for posting it, jodi.

My Mom's and my journey through her dementia was difficult one, but in retrospect I realize I was handed a huge gift. She was, too.

The mom I knew for years was not an easy person to live with, always nervous and high strung and demanding. Looking back, I wonder how much of that was due to having gone through the thick of WWII. We had had a rocky relationship for years but we found a new and better, more peaceful place to meet. Mom's dementia was almost like a tranquilizer. Her memories slipped away and she lived in an uncomplicated world with no troubles or unpleasantness.

"Dana, do you want some noodles?" Helen the aide would ask. Her question would elicit a huge smile and eager anticipation of a plate full of Helen's fabulous Filipino dish called pancit. The aides at the Lutheran Home where mom lived her last three years anticipated her every need. Coffee with the right flavor of Coffee-Mate. Watching an Andre Rieu video with her and the rest of the residents, everybody swaying to the waltzes. I was there every day to visit Mom, but they were the angels who sustained her 24/7. She was not the same person that I had known for so many years and who was my last connection to my childhood and to family, but she was loved and accepted and cared for unconditionally. A tradeoff to be sure, but perhaps not a bad one.

I was with her three years ago yesterday when she passed away peacefully.

Love you, Mom.

My father's stepmother suffered through nine years of dementia.
There was "no one home" after the first four years.
My father arranged for care for her in her home 24/7. The workers took the silver and whatever was not nailed down, but they took care of her.
My father started to go from sanity to "gone" at 86. Sometimes he could laugh when I joked with him. Then a stroke took him at 90 before he became worse.

My mother planned to live to 100. At 93 I saw her roll herself to the calculator in January. Saw the look of disappointment on her face. I found the paper tape with 100-93=7 on it.
She had a big stroke before Easter. Then the final one in September.

My Dad did 15 years..

We often talk about this as Mom is in the opposite situation...at nearly 93 with all her marbles...Alert, following the events in Urkraine...yet her body is failing her...

We are discussing which is preferable..

quote:

Originally posted by BeeLady:
My Dad did 15 years..

We often talk about this as Mom is in the opposite situation...at nearly 93 with all her marbles...Alert, following the events in Urkraine...yet her body is failing her...

We are discussing which is preferable..

Neither is preferable. My father-in-law’s body failed him; he was still sharp as a tack, right up to the end. A massive spinal infection that paralyzed him was the end.

Mom-in-law has dementia. She’s in great shape, physically.

Neither situation was/is good.