Been this way since yesterday afternoon after I learned that my youngest left the house, picked up a friend and went grocery shopping. There was an ambulance in the parking lot of the store, so these two geniuses figure they will drive to the next town (where they have confirmed cases of COVID-19) and just went shopping there.

I had a standing order that nobody leaves the house. FOR ANYTHING! without discussing the whys, and hows, etc.

She just left! I locked the doors and told her when she got home that no plastic bags are to enter the house. That everything she bought will be wiped down with disinfecting wipes before bringing it into the house. She is to head straight to the laundry room and wash her clothes in hot water, then straight into the shower.

Apparently she decided I did not want her back in the house. ( and I really don't, is that terrible?) So she dropped the plastic bags in front of the door and left. That was around 7pm or so last night. The bags sat outside all night until 7:00 am when I went out and disposed of the bags and wiped everything down with disinfectant wipes. There is a very small pile of groceries on our porch now.

A VERY SMALL PILE OF GROCERIES! THAT WE REALLY DIDN'T EVEN NEED! YEAH! THAT WAS WORTH RISKING OUR FVCKING LIVES OVER!!!

Ugh.

I don't know how to get over this. I am still so mad about this.

I can understand your anger.

But can I ask a question or two? How old is she? Where is she now? Does she live with you?

Have you talked to her yet?

I understand your anger, too. It's a very human reaction. You're trying to protect your family, and her actions are undermining that effort.

There are adults who don't understand why this virus is a huge threat, and clearly she doesn't either. The only thing you can do is to sit her down and explain why it is essential for her to stay put. If she hasn't seen the doctors in Italy talking about what they are facing, watch those with her.

She's probably never faced anything like this and it's not real to her. You can make it real for her and teach her an important life lesson.

Try to take a deep breath and imagine she's a little one again, and explain the facts of life to her.

quote:

Try to take a deep breath and imagine she's a little one again, and explain the facts of life to her.

This.

Yes. I know. I feel guilty for being so angry but I just cannot help it.

4.0 student. When it comes to this kind of crap? No so smart.

We are all struggling with smart practices, because it goes against the way we've lived our lives since we were born. We behave in ways that are habitual, without thinking.

We all need to stop and think each time we do something that we're used to doing, but that's very hard to do.

That said, I'd ask her, when she comes back, to quarantine herself for a week or two.

Think about how you would feel if she gets sick and is all alone out there! nobody else is going to want to deal with her if she gets sick. She’s your kid! Explain to her how frightened you are, how it manifested itself in anger how sorry you are that you got so angry that you love her and ask her to come home, that you will have to figure out together how to isolate her just in case. And whatever you do, don’t make it feel like a punishment!

For those of us with strong "protector/planning" instincts, this pandemic activates the stress and worst-case scenario behaviors. I feel your pain.

It is hard to realize that we all aren't wired the same, and what feels like safety to one might feel like being a caged animal to others...

Blessings to all of you.

A young woman alone without a safe place to be faces more risks than a virus.

Let’s not panic.

What everyone else has already said. Get in contact with her, get her to come home asap.

And then, as Quirt said:

quote:

That said, I'd ask her, when she comes back, to quarantine herself for a week or two.

I have done all of that.

She is safe. She is at her friend's parents house.

She still thinks she should go to work (extreme part time in retail) and I told her, that it is not worth it. Then she just leaves the freaking house.

Modified the title. I am slowly shedding this anger. It gets better with each passing hour.

Think I will go play some music...

Trying to make it real for her, to bring it closer to home...

Did you tell her that the more people mix with each other, the more people will be sick? And that the hospitals will be flooded with COVID-19 patients? And that if her grandma or mom had something non-COVID happen, there might not be room for them in the hospital? Might that get her attention?

Just a thought....

My daughter is in grad school. She works at costco on the weekends, so she can have less student debt. She needs that job, (and it needs her) so she still goes so work. Riding public transportation there and back.