quote:

You were way too nice. I hate it when people ding my doors!

That's because you probably drive a Porsche or Maserati. Those of us who drive aged, high-mileage, boring cars don't care as much.

Yep, she should have apologized. What a clod.

Some people just don't know what to do when they're embarassed or humiliated. They have too little experience.

I do it with such frequency that I find I can speed dial the requisite apology, prostration or babbling required...

wait a minute. was there a visible ding or wasn't there?

if there was no damage, why should she have apologized?

if i were her, i would say something and not just pretend that it didn't happen. like, "oh, good! no dings! that was close! isn't this wind something else?" or some such.

if there *is* a ding, though, and then she tried to pretend nothing happened, that is weird. especially since she's a teammate. it's not like she is never going to see you again.

is she someone who could readily absorb the cost of the repair, or would it be a challenge for her?

Yes, there is a ding. I knew there would be.

She really nailed me; it made a very loud noise. She did not inspect the damage, BTW.

I mean, it has happened to all of us, no? You start opening your door, the wind catches it and snatches it, it opens all the way with great force, and you marvel at the strength of the hinges such that the door didn't come completely off the car.

Yeah. Clod. That you know the victim would suggest you should be even more nice than usual.

i was in the same situation .. my door hit hers. she let it slide and i was so embarrassed i couldn't say a thing... that i didn't want to acknowledge fault was in the back of my mind.

i regret that to this day and wish i had said something.

quote:

Originally posted by apple:
i was in the same situation .. my door hit hers. she let it slide and i was so embarrassed i couldn't say a thing... that i didn't want to acknowledge fault was in the back of my mind.

i regret that to this day and wish i had said something.

Seriously, you have a nanosecond after such things - and it is human nature to want to deny bad things. You break your arm and wonder if it's just a bruise or perhaps that blood gushing out of the open wound isn't so bad...

My office was robbed a number of years ago - a very expensive piece of stereo gear was stolen a big hulking piece of equipment. I looked at the spot and wondered why it wasn't there - not thinking "I've been robbed" for the longest time...

You see people hit by a steel beam and say "Oh, I'm Ok..." - We don't want to admit bad stuff.

Heck I've had car accidents which weren't my fault, and I still kinda wanted to think that somehow if I wished really hard, it wouldn't be real.

Enough excuses for her - other than to say that she was a clod - but unless she has my level of ineptitude, she probably isn't as familiar with what to do when you do something stupid.

Less forgiveable are those times when people get to think through how they're gonna screw you.

It would depend on how much damage was caused, how much other damage I already had, and how those two factors affected the vehicle's value. The fact that it was windy does not imply you should accept a ding on a car that has none (yeah, right).

But since she did not apologize you should sue her for everything she owns or ever hopes to own.

quote:

if there was no damage, why should she have apologized?

Personally, I disagree with this. Even if there wasn't a ding, there could have been, so an apology is in order regardless. It's totally windy? Then everyone should know to hold onto their door handles when getting out. Pique, even your "oh good, no ding, that was close" type of response would be much better, but ultimately I think she should have apologized. Just my two cents.

quote:

Originally posted by kluurs:
Some people just don't know what to do when they're embarassed or humiliated. They have too little experience.

I do it with such frequency that I find I can speed dial the requisite apology, prostration or babbling required...

Oh, God - me too.

About 7 years ago, we were living in an apartment complex, when I bought my new Civic.

About 3 weeks later, I was in the car, when a neighbors 4 year old kicked their door into mine...repeatedly. I just laid my seat all the way back, and put my hands over my face, so I'd have a place to mutter creative new compound-words.

Their expression of sorrow and remorse consisted of saying, "Oh, you can relax"

Deep breath.

A few weeks later, they found someone had taken packing tape, opened it above the pile of cigarette butts they liked to leave around, and stuck it to their windows.


If it happened again, I would like to think I'd have the presence of mind to say, (in the most sincere voice I can muster) "Whoops, that didn't scratch-up the edge of your door did it?"

wow

good move

sounds like she's pretending she didn't notice what happened.

i can understand this. i think kluurs nailed it when he said it's natural to want to deny to ourselves that something bad happened.

i did it today. i slipped on some ice coming down a mountain, feet went out in front of me, landed smack down on my back, like someone had grabbed my feet and whapped me to the ground. and then i went on hiking like nothing had happened. "oh, i'm fine," i said to mr. pique and concerned passers by.

i now ache like an SOB. hurts like hell. hands, elbows, spine, hips.

i'm guzzling arnica montana and wishing i'd headed straight home to take it instead of spending two hours at the store picking out valentine's gifts after my hike.

back to the topic: cindy, i think you were incredibly gracious and showed tremendous self-possession. i'm not sure i could have been as cool under the same circumstances.

quote:

Originally posted by CTPianotech:
About 7 years ago, we were living in an apartment complex, when I bought my new Civic.

About 3 weeks later, I was in the car, when a neighbors 4 year old kicked their door into mine...repeatedly. I just laid my seat all the way back, and put my hands over my face, so I'd have a place to mutter creative new compound-words.

Their expression of sorrow and remorse consisted of saying, "Oh, you can relax"

Deep breath.

A few weeks later, they found someone had taken packing tape, opened it above the pile of cigarette butts they liked to leave around, and stuck it to their windows.


If it happened again, I would like to think I'd have the presence of mind to say, (in the most sincere voice I can muster) "Whoops, that didn't scratch-up the edge of your door did it?"

I am CONSTANTLY on my kids to open their car doors gently, so they don't bang other people's cars.

That said, it's one of the things that's going to happen in a parking lot. But my kids don't have to be the ones doing it.

To me the only real plausible explanation is that she did not *hear* the impact. You were in the car and heard and felt the impact full force and she was in the process of getting out the car as well as dealing with the wind and potentially the sound of the wind. Your lack of reaction could have been a queue or confirmation that nothing really happened. If you had gone around the side of your car to see that would have been a different story--and not necessarily confrontational in any way. You would have been simply responding to an event.

Most likely she would say she had no idea whether completely true or not. Maybe it was a confluence of factors; multi-tasking, distraction, something big on her mind, wind, sound, your reaction, her make up.

Who knows.