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But is it a "wedding," though . . .
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Minor Deity
Picture of Cindysphinx
posted
You may recall that Oldest Sphinx got engaged in December 2019. Found a venue for a wedding in Asheville, NC, where groom grew up. Venue is a brewery, which they booked in Feb. 2020. Rooftop ceremony, cocktails under the stars, family-style catered dinner and dancing in the event space. 125 people planned for June 12, 2021.

They are about to cancel the event. They do not think there is a realistic chance the country will be far enough along with Covid that they can risk bringing a big group together. Oh, sure, they could hang on and risk it, but it's time to start booking vendors, so they would be taking a lot of financial risk. Even if the guests are willing to risk it, the venue is not permitted to hold the kind of event that was contemplated under current state Covid rules. The event would have to have a smaller guest list, no cocktail mingling hour, with cafeteria-style service and socially distanced seating (people have to stay at their tables with no mingling or dancing).

OS and groom don't want to bother throwing (and paying a lot for) an event that will not be fun. Once they cancel, they need to figure out a plan, as they are unwilling to postpone their date for a variety of reasons.

The new plan is a wedding with 23 guests (just the immediate family on both sides). They would like to book a snazzy country house big enough for a catered dinner (outdoors, weather permitting), and with lots of spaces that will make for nice pictures.

Trouble is, many available places say "No weddings" in their listings.

I think we can book one of these homes, have a ceremony in the back yard or porch or whatever, have a seated, catered dinner, and spend the evening drinking and talking or whatever. That OS will be wearing a white dress and holding some flowers is unimportant. "No weddings" to me means no DJ, dancing, tent, chairs tearing up the lawn, scores of people clogging the plumbing, people throwing rice and releasing doves, parking for dozens of cars, liability issues, vendors moving furniture around. I think we can truthfully tell the owners we are having a "family reunion."

OS thinks we have to get permission to have a "wedding." She is worried a security camera will capture her in a white dress and we'll be escorted off the property by the local authorities.

What do you all think?
 
Posts: 19085 | Location: A cluttered house in Metro D.C. | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
(self-titled) semi-posting lurker
Minor Deity
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First let me just say, I’m so sorry. Covid ruins a lot of things, and this is one of them. Frowner

Now to your question. Under no circumstances would I have an event where someone wore a white dress and vows were exchanged, in a venue that said no weddings. Just go through some “what could go wrong” scenarios, that should be enough to make you say nope, no way.

Surely there’s a nice B&B or chic barn type place where weddings are regularly held?


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Posts: 14768 | Location: not in Japan any more | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Serial origamist
Has Achieved Nirvana
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I would keep everything above board. Contact several possible places and tell them what you plan to do and see if you find one that’s okay with it. This is not the event from which one wants to get hauled off by the authorities.

When I got married the first time it was at a community center and our plans were a bit eccentric (jugglers, y’know). We invited the site manager to attend so she could see we weren’t about to burn the place down. She did come at the end and partook of some leftovers.


What would I do? Tiny civil ceremony now, and throw a huge party on their second or third anniversary — hoping the pandemic has subsided by then.


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Posts: 28105 | Registered: 27 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Minor Deity
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If you are down to just 23 guests, why not have it at her childhood home?

Oldest did this, (and a rockin' cocktail party at my tiny house the night before (pre-pandemic)). Our backyard wedding was perfect.

Given the current climate, I would vote for a home, backyard wedding.

I have to say ours was wonderful, small, funky and the BEST. Yes


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Posts: 10675 | Location: Massachusetts | Registered: 22 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Beatification Candidate
Picture of rontuner
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In case you missed it, our daughter managed to get married mid-pandemic...

Not the same as what has been the norm, but in many ways they expressed that putting it online let them share the event over and over as they caught up individually with "guests".

https://www.meganandbogumil.com/


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Posts: 6695 | Location: chicagoland | Registered: 21 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Does This Avatar Make My Butt Look Big?

Minor Deity
Picture of Cindysphinx
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quote:
Originally posted by BeeLady:
If you are down to just 23 guests, why not have it at her childhood home?

Oldest did this, (and a rockin' cocktail party at my tiny house the night before (pre-pandemic)). Our backyard wedding was perfect.

Given the current climate, I would vote for a home, backyard wedding.

I have to say ours was wonderful, small, funky and the BEST. Yes


The wedding needs to be down there. They have a photographer already, and this photographer is a friend of the family (and they're getting a good price).

Plus, they want nicer pics than they could get here at Chez Sphinx. And if you have 23 people here, you are going to be pretty un-socially distant, especially if it rains.

And his side of the family is more numerous and his parents are older. So we don't want to make them travel.
 
Posts: 19085 | Location: A cluttered house in Metro D.C. | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Has Achieved Nirvana
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quote:
Originally posted by ShiroKuro:

Under no circumstances would I have an event where someone wore a white dress and vows were exchanged, in a venue that said no weddings. Just go through some “what could go wrong” scenarios, that should be enough to make you say nope, no way.



+1

Beyond everything else, it's disrespectful. It's property they own. They are entitled to place restrictions on rentals. If it was my house, I'd be pissed as hell at someone who said, "well, I thought you rules were a little unreasonable, so I decided we'll do what we want to do anyway."
 
Posts: 44422 | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Minor Deity
Picture of jodi
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You need to find a place that is ok with a very small family wedding. Your daughter does not need the added stress on her wedding day of wondering if the venue is going to be really unhappy that your “family reunion” turned out to be a wedding. Surely by next june, there are places that will allow 23 people to gather and celebrate that day together.


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Posts: 19113 | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
(self-titled) semi-posting lurker
Minor Deity
Picture of ShiroKuro
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Also, Cindy, maybe you could call a few places that say "no weddings" and explain your very simple wedding and see if they might budge. Times are hard, they might be happy to have the business.


Is that how you spell budge? suave


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Posts: 14768 | Location: not in Japan any more | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Has Achieved Nirvana
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I would look for an open air pavilion at scenic place called Windy Point or Breezy Venue.
Friends got married on a summer day on top of the local ski mountain. We rode the lift up and down.
They booked an open sided shelter on the lake for the reception.


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Posts: 22709 | Location: Still living at 9000 feet in the High Rockies of Colorado | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
knitterati
Beatification Candidate
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It also might be a legal issue for them. Our county restricts the number of people who can gather, and weddings are particularly noted.


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Posts: 8470 | Location: Oregon | Registered: 06 June 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Has Achieved Nirvana
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I’d try for an outdoor venue, myself.


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Posts: 30087 | Location: Yorba Linda, CA | Registered: 23 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Does This Avatar Make My Butt Look Big?

Minor Deity
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So far, OS wrote to some of these landlords. They all said a wedding of that size would be fine.

And because it is air b&b, the cancellation policies are great.

One landlord has two houses in a remote area that are on the same plot, so we could keep the two families separate and meet in the middle.
 
Posts: 19085 | Location: A cluttered house in Metro D.C. | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
czarina
Minor Deity
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Ok, but... if it were me, i'd have a civil ceremony at the courthouse now and throw a celebration party after the pandemic is over. No telling what our pandemic situation will be next year.


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Posts: 19882 | Registered: 18 May 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
(self-titled) semi-posting lurker
Minor Deity
Picture of ShiroKuro
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quote:
Originally posted by Cindysphinx:
So far, OS wrote to some of these landlords. They all said a wedding of that size would be fine.

And because it is air b&b, the cancellation policies are great.

One landlord has two houses in a remote area that are on the same plot, so we could keep the two families separate and meet in the middle.


Good news! I think this seems like a good plan. Just maybe try to pick someplace that has some kind of shelter/ tent possibilities in case of rain.


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Posts: 14768 | Location: not in Japan any more | Registered: 20 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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