quote:

Originally posted by ShiroKuro:

I wonder if maybe you should let him know that.... I've been thinking a lot about this, and about what the best way to react is. In general, I always like the idea of taking the high road, but it's not clear to me what the high road is here.

For example, I don't think "the high road" necessarily means avoiding conflict or letting people get away with being hurtful.

I also think the high road involves protecting those we love.

Which is all to say, I think you would be very justified in letting him know that his actions have caused hurt and anger, both for your son and for you. But perhaps in a very carefully worded letter/email rather than in a confrontational conversation?

Totally agree with this. Not in an accusatory way, but in an honest “this really hurt us“ way.

Such a sad situation.

Seems to hurt even more when it is family.

I'm so sorry. That has to hurt. However, what he said is all about him, and no one else. I'd feel sorry for him. It can't be a good life when your heart is closed like that.

quote:

Originally posted by jodi:

quote:

Originally posted by ShiroKuro:

I wonder if maybe you should let him know that.... I've been thinking a lot about this, and about what the best way to react is. In general, I always like the idea of taking the high road, but it's not clear to me what the high road is here.

For example, I don't think "the high road" necessarily means avoiding conflict or letting people get away with being hurtful.

I also think the high road involves protecting those we love.

Which is all to say, I think you would be very justified in letting him know that his actions have caused hurt and anger, both for your son and for you. But perhaps in a very carefully worded letter/email rather than in a confrontational conversation?

Totally agree with this. Not in an accusatory way, but in an honest “this really hurt us“ way.

Yup, that was in the back and forth email chain over the last month or so. I was able to write the really inflammatory stuff and then save it for the next day to edit down before sending - I guess all these years of communicating on forums has been a good training ground!

I'm sure a face-to-face would have gotten ugly really fast. (You show up in support of child abusive priests every week, but can't show up in support of your nephew's wedding?? - thankfully edited away...)

I would shun them for the rest of my life. But, that's just me.

quote:

I was able to write the really inflammatory stuff and then save it for the next day to edit down before sending

I just want to say that showed incredible restraint.

So, that's taking the high road. You still communicated with him, which I think is very important. But there's no point in taking a pot shot, despite how tempting it is!

Just as an aside, last month I put up a poster outside of my office advertising campus events for National Coming Out Day. One day I noticed that someone had written/graffiti-ed on it "Call on Jesus." At first I wasn't sure what to do, and I considered taking it down because I didn't want anyone to feel that message wasn't supportive.

But then I wrote underneath the graffiti "Why, is he coming out too?"

Not sure if that's taking the high road or not, but I thought was the right response.

quote:

Originally posted by ShiroKuro:


But then I wrote underneath the graffiti "Why, is he coming out too?"

Not sure if that's taking the high road or not, but I thought was the right response.

quote:

Originally posted by jodi:

quote:

Originally posted by ShiroKuro:


But then I wrote underneath the graffiti "Why, is he coming out too?"

Not sure if that's taking the high road or not, but I thought was the right response.

That's brilliant.

quote:

Originally posted by ShiroKuro:

But then I wrote underneath the graffiti "Why, is he coming out too?"

Not sure if that's taking the high road or not, but I thought was the right response.

That required genius!!! Love it!

Ron, I’m so sorry this is happening. Big hugs to you and your family (your part of it). When you think of how Jesus led his life, accepting and being with everyone, and decide that’s not what to do when you ostensibly follow him...how do they get from A to B?

SK, brilliant!

Congratulations to your son and his fiance!

quote:

Originally posted by markj:
I would shun them for the rest of my life. But, that's just me.

I’d like to think I would rise above but I probably wouldn’t.

Life is short. Why would I want to be around people like that?

quote:

Originally posted by wtg:
Virtue signaling. He has it down pat.

I'm sorry for the pain that his actions and words have caused. It will be his loss to miss out on what will be a joyous occasion for the rest of the family.

How about you adopt some new family members? Please tell your son that Aunt wtg sends her absolute best wishes on his happy news! Really. He's probably over the moon with his good news; it's a shame if it gets overshadowed...

Virtue signaling - yes. I'd never heard that term!

Yes, we have plenty of new loving family members plus supportive friends!

Part of what bothers me going forward is that my father and his sister had a split. I remember doing stuff with our cousins when I was very young, then nothing.... Our kids are much older now and can make their own choices, but I'm struggling with a family split.